Getting invited to someone's wedding
someone who meant a lot to you
someone who had once given the world to
someone whom you have loved before
Now, to go or not to go?
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Work work work
Where did I go?
Went MIA for awhile didn't I?
Anyway it doesn't matter, does it?
Its not like someone reads this shit anyway...
Too much work is killing my creativity ~if i had some~
Too much work is stifling my imagination ~ if I had a little~
Too much work is bringing my morale down ~ this i had a lot~
Too much work is just too much work
Work is neverending
I have to know when to do what needs to be done
But sometimes I get ungodly deadlines,
that I know I will never be able to stick up to
So why do i subject myself to this
overworking and overkilling my brains
So why do i still work and work
and write and write and write
well, obligations and responsibility calls
i need to answer that call
i need to finish this so I can answer that call'
i need to graduate next year!!!
Went MIA for awhile didn't I?
Anyway it doesn't matter, does it?
Its not like someone reads this shit anyway...
Too much work is killing my creativity ~if i had some~
Too much work is stifling my imagination ~ if I had a little~
Too much work is bringing my morale down ~ this i had a lot~
Too much work is just too much work
Work is neverending
I have to know when to do what needs to be done
But sometimes I get ungodly deadlines,
that I know I will never be able to stick up to
So why do i subject myself to this
overworking and overkilling my brains
So why do i still work and work
and write and write and write
well, obligations and responsibility calls
i need to answer that call
i need to finish this so I can answer that call'
i need to graduate next year!!!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Not this again
Oh god, there it comes again
Seems like I am doomed with these issues
Seriously, can't you guys work it out amongst yourselves?
I don't wanna get invloved
I am tired of this problem
I am tired of being the middleman
I am tired of being the puppet
Frankly, I don't care if I am not first author and shit
But I don't want to be in-between
I've had enough for the first
I and him may done the shit
you may have tutored us
and you may have supervised us
but you didn't do no shit
and if I have to sit down and write it by myself
and frankly I think you guys don't deserve first not last
maybe i'll be first
and he'll be last
and you guys can stick it in the middle
Hohoho and how i wish i can say all this in front your faces!!!!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
"We"
We fight and argue
We fight and argue again
We fight and argue and don't speak to each other again
We fight and argue and don't speak to each other again and sleep separately
We are both stubborn
We are both stubborn and egoistic
We are both stubborn and egoistic and prideful
We are both stubborn and egoistic and prideful and sensitive
What do you think is gonna happen to "we"
Soon there won't be "we",
it'll just be "you" and "i"
and "we" will not exist anymore
"we" will too weak to uphold itself
"we" will crash and burn
"we" will be destroyed and to never appear again
Why can't we stop hurting each other
Why can't we stop and think
Why can't we stay together even wanting to kill each other
Why can't we just love each other
We fight and argue again
We fight and argue and don't speak to each other again
We fight and argue and don't speak to each other again and sleep separately
We are both stubborn
We are both stubborn and egoistic
We are both stubborn and egoistic and prideful
We are both stubborn and egoistic and prideful and sensitive
What do you think is gonna happen to "we"
Soon there won't be "we",
it'll just be "you" and "i"
and "we" will not exist anymore
"we" will too weak to uphold itself
"we" will crash and burn
"we" will be destroyed and to never appear again
Why can't we stop hurting each other
Why can't we stop and think
Why can't we stay together even wanting to kill each other
Why can't we just love each other
Goodbye Love
How can I feel sad and happy at the same time?
I just want to feel happy
for you, for me, for what was between us, for what you have now
but in between the happy, the sadness gnaws at my heart
sad of what was there
sad that we are no more friends
sad that it all ended the way it did
but still I am happy
happy that you are happy
happy that you have found someone else
happy to have known you
to have loved you
to have cared for you
Now, I will let go completely
I will not hold on anymore
no more lingering feelings
no more sadness
I will move on
I will find my place
All the best in everything you do
Love, my love, goodbye!
I just want to feel happy
for you, for me, for what was between us, for what you have now
but in between the happy, the sadness gnaws at my heart
sad of what was there
sad that we are no more friends
sad that it all ended the way it did
but still I am happy
happy that you are happy
happy that you have found someone else
happy to have known you
to have loved you
to have cared for you
Now, I will let go completely
I will not hold on anymore
no more lingering feelings
no more sadness
I will move on
I will find my place
All the best in everything you do
Love, my love, goodbye!
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Random
the mattress dipped and creaked
and you were back
in between awake and sleep
i felt a kiss to my forehead
and you were back
in between awake and sleep
i felt a kiss to my forehead
Upset
I hate it when shit like this happens
I hate when I have to plead for people to do things
which they eventually refuse
and then last minute change their mind
and agree to do whatever it is I asked of them
and they do just last minute
when I have already set my mindset to do it all by myself
if you know you were gonna do it
then why give me shit in the very first place
I don't understand
do you like to see me suffer mentally
figure things out, plan everything in my head
then you come and break the "happy" news to me
that "it's ok, I"ll do it"
what would you expect to do
besides being upset and angry
so fuck this shit
I hate when I have to plead for people to do things
which they eventually refuse
and then last minute change their mind
and agree to do whatever it is I asked of them
and they do just last minute
when I have already set my mindset to do it all by myself
if you know you were gonna do it
then why give me shit in the very first place
I don't understand
do you like to see me suffer mentally
figure things out, plan everything in my head
then you come and break the "happy" news to me
that "it's ok, I"ll do it"
what would you expect to do
besides being upset and angry
so fuck this shit
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The damaged good
I am thinking.
Yeah, I am always thinking.
Sometimes I think too much
most of the time I try to stop thinking
You know, on the surface I may look like a confident woman. But half of the time, I am just a self-deprecating person, who totally don't feel confident at all. From young, I have always heard fat people are slow, and lazy and slow-minded. I guess the words weren't targeted at me, mostly I think derived by the too-observant little self, who takes in more than the adult can think of (which is why I advocate not gossiping/badmouthing in front of young ones). I have heard more than I should have probably. I knew I was fat from a young age. Then I went to school, and things only became worse, not only I was fat, now I was black (in a sea of yellow skinned people). These people made me feel the worst. But my young self was a relentless little girl, I must have thought then, if I can't be pretty, or look nice, then I will use my brains to fight these people off. I will show them that if I can't beat them in the "looks" area, then I will use my smartness. I had six years of miserable life (those were the worst years I guess), I fought a tough and long battle, only to be pushed down again and again (even literally), but that strong little fighter in me didn't give up. I never felt appreciated for my talents, always sidelined, so that someone with "better looks" can take the lead. Although secondary school was way better than primary school, I still faced some uncanny individuals bent on making my miserable or just had a word to say about my looks. Not always, I had many friends, true ones though rare. At home, relatives, the first thing they ask when they see me is why aren't you losing weight? or haven't you put on weight? Oh god, I am doing so well in other areas/aspect of life, and you can only pick this to comment on? So superficial. Someone is always telling me, lose your weight and all the guys will come after you like stray dogs. And one day I got tired of hearing her say this, so I told her I'd rather not have any strays following me. I want a man who can appreciate me as I am. And she was stunned. One classmate asked me, are you sure you and your sister are from the same parents? One colleague, when I said my crush spoke to me, she said you sure he was speaking to you. when someone told her a guy was flirting with me, said are you sure he was flirting? One friend told me all the people here are fat because they are eating so much and i told him, well I am fat too, which he then said oh you are not fat. When I sat down to watch a crush play basketball game, a security guard walked past and told me to my face, people like you, do you think anyone will reciprocate your feelings? And things like this go on and on. And it will never end.
I always tell myself after very conversation "sticks and stone may break my bone but words will never hurt me". I tell myself don't pay heed to people who hurt you, don't mind their words, don't take to heart. But you know, words have their ways on people, the way they seep into your soul and hurt you. They imprint themselves, gnawing at your conscious, brainwashing your mind, tearing your soul. And the damage is done. So, today I still don't dare to believe even if someone did like me, I would brush them off, and or pretend like we're just good friends. I don't understand when someone flirts with me, because I am made to believe that I am not worthy of their attention. I get tongue-tied, I get awkward because in my head you shouldn't be flirting with me, you shouldn't be paying attention to me.
You see, how damaging words can be. Yeah I am confident in every other thing I do, yet when it comes to myself, I fail. That's how damaged I am.
So people, next time do think a little before you speak, and its not only me who is suffering, people who are fat who are suffering, but generally everybody at one point of their life who have had been made to believe that they weren't important enough, not good enough, not right enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough.
I am damaged. I don't want the future children to face the same that I have or perhaps have done to some others unconsciously. Always encourage each other, lift each other up, try to make everyone smile and maybe one day the world will be a better place
Yeah, I am always thinking.
Sometimes I think too much
most of the time I try to stop thinking
You know, on the surface I may look like a confident woman. But half of the time, I am just a self-deprecating person, who totally don't feel confident at all. From young, I have always heard fat people are slow, and lazy and slow-minded. I guess the words weren't targeted at me, mostly I think derived by the too-observant little self, who takes in more than the adult can think of (which is why I advocate not gossiping/badmouthing in front of young ones). I have heard more than I should have probably. I knew I was fat from a young age. Then I went to school, and things only became worse, not only I was fat, now I was black (in a sea of yellow skinned people). These people made me feel the worst. But my young self was a relentless little girl, I must have thought then, if I can't be pretty, or look nice, then I will use my brains to fight these people off. I will show them that if I can't beat them in the "looks" area, then I will use my smartness. I had six years of miserable life (those were the worst years I guess), I fought a tough and long battle, only to be pushed down again and again (even literally), but that strong little fighter in me didn't give up. I never felt appreciated for my talents, always sidelined, so that someone with "better looks" can take the lead. Although secondary school was way better than primary school, I still faced some uncanny individuals bent on making my miserable or just had a word to say about my looks. Not always, I had many friends, true ones though rare. At home, relatives, the first thing they ask when they see me is why aren't you losing weight? or haven't you put on weight? Oh god, I am doing so well in other areas/aspect of life, and you can only pick this to comment on? So superficial. Someone is always telling me, lose your weight and all the guys will come after you like stray dogs. And one day I got tired of hearing her say this, so I told her I'd rather not have any strays following me. I want a man who can appreciate me as I am. And she was stunned. One classmate asked me, are you sure you and your sister are from the same parents? One colleague, when I said my crush spoke to me, she said you sure he was speaking to you. when someone told her a guy was flirting with me, said are you sure he was flirting? One friend told me all the people here are fat because they are eating so much and i told him, well I am fat too, which he then said oh you are not fat. When I sat down to watch a crush play basketball game, a security guard walked past and told me to my face, people like you, do you think anyone will reciprocate your feelings? And things like this go on and on. And it will never end.
I always tell myself after very conversation "sticks and stone may break my bone but words will never hurt me". I tell myself don't pay heed to people who hurt you, don't mind their words, don't take to heart. But you know, words have their ways on people, the way they seep into your soul and hurt you. They imprint themselves, gnawing at your conscious, brainwashing your mind, tearing your soul. And the damage is done. So, today I still don't dare to believe even if someone did like me, I would brush them off, and or pretend like we're just good friends. I don't understand when someone flirts with me, because I am made to believe that I am not worthy of their attention. I get tongue-tied, I get awkward because in my head you shouldn't be flirting with me, you shouldn't be paying attention to me.
You see, how damaging words can be. Yeah I am confident in every other thing I do, yet when it comes to myself, I fail. That's how damaged I am.
So people, next time do think a little before you speak, and its not only me who is suffering, people who are fat who are suffering, but generally everybody at one point of their life who have had been made to believe that they weren't important enough, not good enough, not right enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough.
I am damaged. I don't want the future children to face the same that I have or perhaps have done to some others unconsciously. Always encourage each other, lift each other up, try to make everyone smile and maybe one day the world will be a better place
Monday, March 18, 2013
9th March 2013
There's was this man who loved me. He used to sing me to sleep, buy me my favorite food, get me things that I didn't need, he looked after me like I was his daughter. There were some things I didn't like about him and I told him off to his face, sometimes rudely. And I never apologized. Somehow, he'll always made it like nothing ever happened, always back to his usual self. I know I must hurt him a lot because he probably loved me the most. I couldn't even look after him, never could pay back all the things he had done for me. I never told him I loved him, just like I never tell anyone else I love. I thought he would know, but how would someone know if you don't tell them, right? Then, when I am far away, he left. I love him, and the last thing I said to him just before he left was " My bonnie lies over the ocean, please bring back my bonnie to me". That's what he used to sing me to sleep. Bye-bye Periappa. I love you and I am sorry I couldn't be there for you.
A sleepless night
woke up missing your warmth
in the dark, tried to get my eyes adjusted
wondering where did you slip off to
in the middle of night
I saw you sitting in front of the window
lost in thoughts, with a deep frown
untangling myself from the cocoon
I sneaked towards you
You startled and tensed a moment
when I wrapped my arms around your waist
and then you leaned against my chest
murmuring apologies for having woken me up
I kissed your hair, I nibbled you earlobe
you squirmed and giggled
and tried too wriggle out of my grasp
but i just held on tighter
then you sighed, and exhaled a deep breathe
you became silent again
so unlike you, unlike you to be this restless
and i knew you would speak when you felt like it
so there we sat quietly
as you pulled me to the front
with your chin of my shoulders
and your hands rubbing my tummy incessantly
I must have fallen asleep in your embrace
because the next time I opened my eyes
sunlight was streaming in
and i was snuggled into your chest on our tiny little bed.
in the dark, tried to get my eyes adjusted
wondering where did you slip off to
in the middle of night
I saw you sitting in front of the window
lost in thoughts, with a deep frown
untangling myself from the cocoon
I sneaked towards you
You startled and tensed a moment
when I wrapped my arms around your waist
and then you leaned against my chest
murmuring apologies for having woken me up
I kissed your hair, I nibbled you earlobe
you squirmed and giggled
and tried too wriggle out of my grasp
but i just held on tighter
then you sighed, and exhaled a deep breathe
you became silent again
so unlike you, unlike you to be this restless
and i knew you would speak when you felt like it
so there we sat quietly
as you pulled me to the front
with your chin of my shoulders
and your hands rubbing my tummy incessantly
I must have fallen asleep in your embrace
because the next time I opened my eyes
sunlight was streaming in
and i was snuggled into your chest on our tiny little bed.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Sometimes
Sometimes I hate myself
Sometimes I wish I was someone else
Sometimes I wanna hide away and never show my face
Sometimes I feel hated and scorned upon
Sometimes I just hate the world
Sometimes I wanna lie on my bed and never wake up
Sometimes I disappoint myself and the world
Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore
Sometimes I am so lost
Sometimes I can't breathe, I suffocate
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep
Sometimes I hit myself
Sometimes I mess up everything
Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone
Sometimes I feel hurt and hurt and hurt
but most of the times, when sometime occurs, I fake a smile and pretend the world's still the perfect place.
Sometimes I wish I was someone else
Sometimes I wanna hide away and never show my face
Sometimes I feel hated and scorned upon
Sometimes I just hate the world
Sometimes I wanna lie on my bed and never wake up
Sometimes I disappoint myself and the world
Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore
Sometimes I am so lost
Sometimes I can't breathe, I suffocate
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep
Sometimes I hit myself
Sometimes I mess up everything
Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone
Sometimes I feel hurt and hurt and hurt
but most of the times, when sometime occurs, I fake a smile and pretend the world's still the perfect place.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Clingy
When I hold you down
When I hold you tight
When I hold you hard
It simply means I need you now
I am not affectionate
I am not clingy
So when I hold you real tight
It really means I want you now
So stay by me
lend me your shoulder
give me hugs
shower me kisses
or simply hold my hands
it would mean the world to me
When I hold you tight
When I hold you hard
It simply means I need you now
I am not affectionate
I am not clingy
So when I hold you real tight
It really means I want you now
So stay by me
lend me your shoulder
give me hugs
shower me kisses
or simply hold my hands
it would mean the world to me
Monday, February 4, 2013
Frustrated
I want to be out there having fun too.
Yet I don't want to go alone, not safe to go alone
The worse is when you have someone with you
and yet the person is unwilling/ reluctant to go
you'd ask once or twice
but you'll get rejected everytime
or you'd have to beg or force
and i really hate doing that
Its not like I want to do drugs or anything
I just wanna go out, have fun, and celebrate
and you get tired of asking again and again
I feel trapped in the four walls
I want to feel young and willful and adventurous
but not to the point that I wanna go out by myself
and risk myself
so of course i would bring a friend
but to get turned down again and again
has made me not ask anymore
and all i can do is sit here and rant
and feel like a trapped bird
Yet I don't want to go alone, not safe to go alone
The worse is when you have someone with you
and yet the person is unwilling/ reluctant to go
you'd ask once or twice
but you'll get rejected everytime
or you'd have to beg or force
and i really hate doing that
Its not like I want to do drugs or anything
I just wanna go out, have fun, and celebrate
and you get tired of asking again and again
I feel trapped in the four walls
I want to feel young and willful and adventurous
but not to the point that I wanna go out by myself
and risk myself
so of course i would bring a friend
but to get turned down again and again
has made me not ask anymore
and all i can do is sit here and rant
and feel like a trapped bird
Saturday, January 26, 2013
life's dance
we are still dancing
around each other
here, to the same music
with eyes never straying away
from one another
you'd take a step forward
and i'll move 2 steps backwards
yet we are not dancing with each other
yet we haven't reach a mutual distance
i wonder is it me
or is just the way dance is meant to be
for all i really want (sometimes)
is to be in your arms
at your mercy
with you leading the dance
grasping me tightly
never letting me go
around each other
here, to the same music
with eyes never straying away
from one another
you'd take a step forward
and i'll move 2 steps backwards
yet we are not dancing with each other
yet we haven't reach a mutual distance
i wonder is it me
or is just the way dance is meant to be
for all i really want (sometimes)
is to be in your arms
at your mercy
with you leading the dance
grasping me tightly
never letting me go
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
100th Post
This is my 100th posting here.
I can't even believe I actually could reach that number, or maybe I should be ashamed that I've only 100 posts for these years. Nevertheless, ometodou!!!
Do you wanna know how I got this "Blackwinter" name?
No, I don't have winter in my country.
The name came about about 13years ago ~wow, that's like ages ago~, when I was a young immature ~not that I've changed much though~, sensitive ~still am~, foolish ~hopefully i've become a little wiser, though I doubt it~, irritable ~occasionally i am still very much irritable~ girl who lacked self confidence, was very depressed, almost suicidal, who took everything in world personally and was angry at the world and everyone for reasons which I won't delve into. You know how ICQ was very famous then at that time, no FB, twitter, tumblr, it was ICQ, and chatrooms that was dominating the world. I could never find a suitable online ID, one day i was stonecold, the next, blackblack, then coldwinter, until one day one of my ICQ buddy said stop changing my name, he couldn't find me in his list, and suddenly I was blackwinter. The name has stuck with me for these many years, followed me through changes, through friendster, friendster blog, through almost everything i do online. I used imagine myself as harsh as a black winter day where the days were cold, dark, and harsh, and people hated this time, just like how they hated me at that time. These days though, I've learned that I couldn't be bothered to give a fuck to those who hate me, I can't please everyone, and I should never ever take things too personally. I've chilled slightly, relaxed a bit, learned that life's only hard when u make it hard, that winters can be beautiful even if its dark, ad many people don't like it. Because somewhere in the world, there's someone who loves the winter, snow, and all.
So people, if you are reading tonight/today, whatever the time it is out there. Please know that there some one out there in this small world that cares for you, loves you and wants you to always have a smile on your face. And when you feel like you don't have anyone for you, drop by, send me nudge, then let me tell you that I love you, stranger...
I can't even believe I actually could reach that number, or maybe I should be ashamed that I've only 100 posts for these years. Nevertheless, ometodou!!!
Do you wanna know how I got this "Blackwinter" name?
No, I don't have winter in my country.
The name came about about 13years ago ~wow, that's like ages ago~, when I was a young immature ~not that I've changed much though~, sensitive ~still am~, foolish ~hopefully i've become a little wiser, though I doubt it~, irritable ~occasionally i am still very much irritable~ girl who lacked self confidence, was very depressed, almost suicidal, who took everything in world personally and was angry at the world and everyone for reasons which I won't delve into. You know how ICQ was very famous then at that time, no FB, twitter, tumblr, it was ICQ, and chatrooms that was dominating the world. I could never find a suitable online ID, one day i was stonecold, the next, blackblack, then coldwinter, until one day one of my ICQ buddy said stop changing my name, he couldn't find me in his list, and suddenly I was blackwinter. The name has stuck with me for these many years, followed me through changes, through friendster, friendster blog, through almost everything i do online. I used imagine myself as harsh as a black winter day where the days were cold, dark, and harsh, and people hated this time, just like how they hated me at that time. These days though, I've learned that I couldn't be bothered to give a fuck to those who hate me, I can't please everyone, and I should never ever take things too personally. I've chilled slightly, relaxed a bit, learned that life's only hard when u make it hard, that winters can be beautiful even if its dark, ad many people don't like it. Because somewhere in the world, there's someone who loves the winter, snow, and all.
So people, if you are reading tonight/today, whatever the time it is out there. Please know that there some one out there in this small world that cares for you, loves you and wants you to always have a smile on your face. And when you feel like you don't have anyone for you, drop by, send me nudge, then let me tell you that I love you, stranger...
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Hurting You
Enough enough
I can't take it anymore
I can't bear it any longer
Would you leave, please
I begged I pleaded
Just leave, I don't want this
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to keep hurting you
I don't want to keep hurting me
I don't want to keep hurting us
I will never be in peace
nor will you be happy with me
I just have this tendency
to keep hurting the ones i love
I just have this urge
to hurt before I get hurt
I just have this little madness
to keep thinking that happiness is unattainable
I just have to tear a part of my heart
to send it to you
along with you
when you leave
if you leave
if you
if
But you sit there like a mule
Mouth zipped up
Eyes stoic and cold
forehead creased up
waiting for me to calm down
why wait? just go
this has happened way too many times
i've snapped at you
for so many times
that i've lost count
so why do you still insist on being here
so why do you insist we can work this out
so why do you insist that love's more than enough
so why do you insist you still love me
and love me more than ever
after all i've put you through
I don't think i'll ever be ready
I don't think I'll ever work up enough
courage, self-confidence, self esteem
to stand by you,
to face you as an equal
to understand that I'm not a broken
a broken doll, a messed up freak
a fat mapped up creature
to ever realize that you probably just
love me as I am
So, could you leave before I hurt us more?
I can't take it anymore
I can't bear it any longer
Would you leave, please
I begged I pleaded
Just leave, I don't want this
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to keep hurting you
I don't want to keep hurting me
I don't want to keep hurting us
I will never be in peace
nor will you be happy with me
I just have this tendency
to keep hurting the ones i love
I just have this urge
to hurt before I get hurt
I just have this little madness
to keep thinking that happiness is unattainable
I just have to tear a part of my heart
to send it to you
along with you
when you leave
if you leave
if you
if
But you sit there like a mule
Mouth zipped up
Eyes stoic and cold
forehead creased up
waiting for me to calm down
why wait? just go
this has happened way too many times
i've snapped at you
for so many times
that i've lost count
so why do you still insist on being here
so why do you insist we can work this out
so why do you insist that love's more than enough
so why do you insist you still love me
and love me more than ever
after all i've put you through
I don't think i'll ever be ready
I don't think I'll ever work up enough
courage, self-confidence, self esteem
to stand by you,
to face you as an equal
to understand that I'm not a broken
a broken doll, a messed up freak
a fat mapped up creature
to ever realize that you probably just
love me as I am
So, could you leave before I hurt us more?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Sick
woke up sweating
wondering in the haze of sleep
did i turn the heater to the max
or was it summer already
tried moving
only to realize i've been trapped
in between your arms and legs
and the heat is radiating off you
you don't give out this much heat
not usually,
definitely not while sleeping like a log
worriedly I brought my arms
to your forehead
to confirm my suspicions true indeed
and you're feverish
prying myself away
(which was too much of an effort)
and still you lay deep in sleep
bringing up the pills and water
sitting by you
trying to wake you up
you moan, you struggle
you finally blink those beautiful eyes open
(but, really, they weren't that pretty when all swollen)
helping you up
wordlessly you swallowed the pills
and slid back into sleep
wondering in the haze of sleep
did i turn the heater to the max
or was it summer already
tried moving
only to realize i've been trapped
in between your arms and legs
and the heat is radiating off you
you don't give out this much heat
not usually,
definitely not while sleeping like a log
worriedly I brought my arms
to your forehead
to confirm my suspicions true indeed
and you're feverish
prying myself away
(which was too much of an effort)
and still you lay deep in sleep
bringing up the pills and water
sitting by you
trying to wake you up
you moan, you struggle
you finally blink those beautiful eyes open
(but, really, they weren't that pretty when all swollen)
helping you up
wordlessly you swallowed the pills
and slid back into sleep
When you are hurt
you wanna hurt others back
you wanna inflict the same pain back on me
you wanna let them know how it feels to be hurt
but an eye for an eye
is no good, is a vicious cycle
going round and around the world
everyone wants a bit of revenge
or they say "let them have a taste of their own medicine"
and it goes on and on
no one's willing to stop
no one wants to forgive
no one wants to move on and forward
It's no fun hurting each another
In the end you are just hurting yourself
In the end you'll be the one who suffers
In the end you'll be at the losing end
Let go
Move on
Forgive the ones that hurt you
but I'd would not forget
because I'd want to avoid similar situations in the future
But I won't forget
because I am sure there something in this lesson for me to learn
And I will forgive
But I am not sure how to bring the relationship
back to normal, the usual
because most likely the trust is lost
because the hurt would have taught me a thing or two
because I will let go, and not hold anymore
to prevent myself from getting hurt
getting hurt (once again)
you wanna hurt others back
you wanna inflict the same pain back on me
you wanna let them know how it feels to be hurt
but an eye for an eye
is no good, is a vicious cycle
going round and around the world
everyone wants a bit of revenge
or they say "let them have a taste of their own medicine"
and it goes on and on
no one's willing to stop
no one wants to forgive
no one wants to move on and forward
It's no fun hurting each another
In the end you are just hurting yourself
In the end you'll be the one who suffers
In the end you'll be at the losing end
Let go
Move on
Forgive the ones that hurt you
but I'd would not forget
because I'd want to avoid similar situations in the future
But I won't forget
because I am sure there something in this lesson for me to learn
And I will forgive
But I am not sure how to bring the relationship
back to normal, the usual
because most likely the trust is lost
because the hurt would have taught me a thing or two
because I will let go, and not hold anymore
to prevent myself from getting hurt
getting hurt (once again)
Friday, January 4, 2013
dancing
Come on baby
Let's dance
but you refuse
so i hit the floor myself
With the alcohol buzzing
I can't stop moving
I don't care for other
dancing in my little own world
but they never leave me in peace
always wanting to dance with me
always trying to get their lecherous hands on me
always spoiling my fun, disturbing my world
when i felt the next pair of hands
i turned around
with my fist all ready
to deliver as mighty as a blow as I can
to almost punch the daylights out of you
thank goodness
for your fast reflexes
or perhaps it was me who was too boozed up
you try to get me off the floor
but the night was still young
and the music's still good
and maybe you can dance with me
realizing it'll be futile
to persuade me off
you just slip your arm around my waist
lingering on the small of my back
i grinned, i giggled into your chest
baby, this not a romantic song
why are you trying to waltz me around
before i knew it, you were storming your way to the bar
Let's dance
but you refuse
so i hit the floor myself
With the alcohol buzzing
I can't stop moving
I don't care for other
dancing in my little own world
but they never leave me in peace
always wanting to dance with me
always trying to get their lecherous hands on me
always spoiling my fun, disturbing my world
when i felt the next pair of hands
i turned around
with my fist all ready
to deliver as mighty as a blow as I can
to almost punch the daylights out of you
thank goodness
for your fast reflexes
or perhaps it was me who was too boozed up
you try to get me off the floor
but the night was still young
and the music's still good
and maybe you can dance with me
realizing it'll be futile
to persuade me off
you just slip your arm around my waist
lingering on the small of my back
i grinned, i giggled into your chest
baby, this not a romantic song
why are you trying to waltz me around
before i knew it, you were storming your way to the bar
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