It's almost a year, 2010 is almost at an end. A year flew by, just like that. At this time last year, I was at Sarawak, crying almost daily, thinking about my future, what lies ahead, how to survive etc etc. Although lots of my best times were in Sarawak, when I was studying, when I worked, it is only now i realize my heart is at peace at home where my family is. I miss all my friends there, but it feels so natural to be at home. Even though, life isn't easy here, I feel glad that I am back home, I don't cry as much as I used to, I can see my loved ones everyday.
One year, I have counted many blessings along the way, faced many hardships, watched many things unfold, seen things I should never see in my life, learnt lessons along. I faced again and again financial problems, never enough to pay this and that off, never enough to spend on myself. I don't really care, as long as I can pay for the loan, water, electricity and provide some food for my family, I am really really thankful. I know how my mother and father worry and feel bad that their daughter is carrying the burden now, I saw tears in my dad's eyes because he could not give us any angpow for Deepavali, where all these years he have given us, no matter little or a lot, I can imagine how he feels, how my mother will always say to me that I cannot do anything I want, because of all that I carry.
But, all that doesn't matter to me, because it is my family, they are my parents, they have done their very best to bring me up to who I am today. And it is my duty, my responsibility to make them happy. Don't feel bad about me, don't think I am not happy because I can't spend anything for myself, because all that matters to me is that my family is happy, your happiness is my happiness.
I also am very thankful that my sister is contributing some to help out with the family, to put food on the table. I am even grateful to my youngest sister, for being a good sister, an understanding sister, who never ask for anything, always trying to not put any burden on us, pushing away all the trips her school organize, because she knows we have no money to spend.
Now, you tell me, how do I not feel thankful and grateful when I have a family like this. Things never go right, but all I care, really care is that I have my family with me.
