Thawing heart

You shift closer
The bed doesn't move even a little
but I know you are moving in closer
I can feel it by your breathe
You stop and you breathe in deep
You are hesitant, you are not sure
not sure whether your touch is welcomed
You still don't move
I can feel your bodily warmth
radiating, like your sunny happy personality
warming me up, gentle like the sunshine
yet you don't come any closer
yet you are afraid to touch the cold
to breach the ice that formed
the ice that I am
Have you not seen, how you are melting the ice?
How you have change the heart?
how you have thawed the un"thaw"able?
I reach behind
I grab your hesitant hand
placing it on my heart
instantly you are stuck on me
instantly we become one
I can feel your relief
your smile
your love
you whisper in my ears
words that you have told me a thousand times
words that you swear you will tell me another thousand years
words that I strive to believe in
words that I long to say back
maybe one day
maybe the day is near

ANGST

You hold my hand
you intertwine your fingers with mine
you squeeze them lightly
and then with more pressure

but i don 't reciprocate
i don't know how to
maybe i just i don't want to
or its just that i can't do it

i stare ahead
stare at the nothingness
blanking my mind
blocking your voice

and you halt suddenly
perhaps you have become aware
of the lack of response
of the lack of anything

you sigh
but you don't anything no more
the silence is deafening
the awkwardness seeps in

i let go
or i try to let your hands go
its futile
with the grip you have now

you pull me to you
i crash against you
your arm go around me
crushing me with a bear hug

you still don't say anything
but i feel wetness on my hair
now have i made you cry
now that's why i need to go

i want to say something
i want to say anything
anything to stop your tears
without realizing your shirt is also getting wet

the world today

Violence..
everywhere
robbery, snatch thefts, raping, murder, war..
the world is seeing its doom
whats more pathetic and scary
is that
no one helps, no one offers help,
no one tries to help
passerby just look, no offer of help
just looking
how pathetic have we become
how low have we sunken to
how much lower can we go
until we no longer emote
no longer are humans

Useless

I feel like the most useless person in the world
Seems like I can't get anything right..
No matter how hard I try..
No matter how much I give
No matter how much I do
it doesn't matter because I am probably the most useless piece of shit in this world
it doesn't matter at all
because even when i cry
no one cares
even if i don cry
no one cares
well, my mum cares, but why should I bother her with all this shit
and make her all worried and upset
because its okay I am upset all by myself
because its my shit that fucked up anyway
because i can't get a thing done
can't get a thing right
can't make them happy
can't think like them
can't do a shit like
can't do anything
basically i am crap or may be not even that
even shit is useful as fertilizer
So yeah, so yep, so yes
that's me, that's who I am
the useless daughter
the useless sister
the useless and stupid student
the useless and emotional friend
the useless and dumb researcher
the useless citizen
the stupid useless me
so thanks for reading this piece
and thanks for not responding
its okay i can understand
who'd want to respond to a useless me

Angry

I am so tired.. really so tired
I am mentally exhausted, physically exhausted..
I can't do this anymore..
You have no right to do this to me
No right at all
I have done all work, everything i should do
everything little thing, down to the most menial matter
yet in the end you fucking do this to me
FUCK you.. really fuck you
You have no rights to toy me around
to blackmail me, to play around like this
to hold my life in your fucking hands
FUCK you and your shit
FUCK you and your bloody moodswings
FUCK you again again and again
FUCK you until you die
You can't go around changing your mind every 2 seconds
You can't play with peoples' hard work
You can't play with my work.
I've been a good, I've listened to you
But you don't get to toy me around
You wanna play rough, I'll give you rough
you FUCKer!!!

Words that aren't coming out

Quanter of a year
That's how long since I've been gone
away from this place
in between many a times
I stopped by
looked at the white sheet
stared hard and yet
words just didn't come out
up to now it still doesn't come out
words.. seems like i've forgotten how to emote
like i've locked my feelings
bottled them up tightly
that even words don't come out anymore

and still it hurts, especially here in the heart
with too much to hold
and too little to be shared
and too exhausting
too far gone....