Let it go

Sometimes it will be easier to just let it all go.

To let them do whatever they want to do.

Allow them to take your hard work

grant them the opportunity to step over you

Sometimes it will be better to just to all that

But then you sit down and think

about the years you spent

about the time you slogged

about the sweat and blood you dripped

about the sacrifices your family and friends made for you

you think it is only easy to say let it all go

never easy to do, never sits right on your conscience

because it is your work it is what you did

and why should let anyone else meddle with your shit

when its yours and those who worked hard on it

and you fight, you cry, you shed a million tears

and then you get tired

and finally decide you have had enough

you have had enough

you had done enough

and it is time to let go 

and time to leave

Words that aren't coming out

Quanter of a year
That's how long since I've been gone
away from this place
in between many a times
I stopped by
looked at the white sheet
stared hard and yet
words just didn't come out
up to now it still doesn't come out
words.. seems like i've forgotten how to emote
like i've locked my feelings
bottled them up tightly
that even words don't come out anymore

and still it hurts, especially here in the heart
with too much to hold
and too little to be shared
and too exhausting
too far gone....

Not this again

Oh god, there it comes again

Seems like I am doomed with these issues

Seriously, can't you guys work it out amongst yourselves?

I don't wanna get invloved

I am tired of this problem

I am tired of being the middleman

I am tired of being the puppet

Frankly, I don't care if I am not first author and shit

But I don't want to be in-between

I've had enough for the first

I and him may done the shit

you may have tutored us

and you may have supervised us

but you didn't do no shit

and if I have to sit down and write it by myself

and frankly I think you guys don't deserve first not last

maybe i'll be first

and he'll be last

and you guys can stick it in the middle

Hohoho and how i wish i can say all this in front your faces!!!!

I am a puppet

once again I've been burnt
I spent tonight crying
because of words from a friend
as sharp as razor
shredding my heart into pieces
turning me even more insomniac
and i can't even defend myself
so, dear blog hear the words
I want to say, but cannot because it is a friend after all

Dear friend,
You know this problem started way back in August 2011.
It was meant to be a work of editing only, but it was that poorly written
I couldn't let it be, couldn't send it off as such
I did this with no intention of whatsoever, 
I didn't want a name
I didn't want fame
this because it wasn't my work
it wasn't my hard effort
but i changed everything
and i didn't even insert my name there
you should know better,
than accuse me of stealing your work

When my name appeared 
I didn't even realize it was first, until you mentioned to me
I didn't agree, and I was upset,
and I talked to you about this,
you should know, because we skyped

I fought, I went up and said
I'd rather not have my name at all
but you don't know, i got threatened
to be removed and you still won't be first
with someone else's name there for almost the nil work they did

Then came the whole fiasco with you wanting to be first
I had no objection, i would have relinquished the name in fact
because it is not my hardwork
and you should know what happened
it was (is still) in the emails splayed out for everyone to read
and did you forget, or were you just ignorant
to the fact that you decided to withdraw from it altogether
I still have the email as proof
if you would need a reminder of sort

it was a decision you made
I advised you against
but you said you'd rather let it all go
today, you are begrudging and accusing me for stealing your work

This was by far the hardest work I've ever done
It was kicked from one to another, then again to another
Then major revisions had to be done
which practically meant re-doing the whole bloody thing
from scratch, and I mean really from scratch
yes, it is your hardwork and effort
but it took me one and a half year to get it done
to be worthy, to be accepted
it took me a lot of effort too (by the way)
but it took even more from me
because it felt like a betrayal,
as your name was not there anymore
how many times i fretted over this issue
you will never know,
i only have god, mum and 2 other friends as witness
how much sleep, how much emotions
how I didn't know how to face you
yet i thought you would understand
as you were the one who relinquished your rights to this work
and i was a mere puppet in the games of the higher ranked people

but it hurts, to receive an email
with those kind of words
words that hurt me to the core
as if I haven't been felling guilty enough
as if I have intended all this from the very start
you say things too simply
quit and leave, you say
will you be feeding the people i have to fend?
many other options, you say?
why didn't you enlighten me earlier
when we talked about it?

I am hurt today..
really hurt..
You are my friend, but with this perhaps
we were not meant to be friends
I am sorry
I truly am
but I am also hurt, and I also have feelings
so, take my friend