kitchen

You did not realize my presence
Constantly humming to yourself
With earphones, you sway along with the music
in the kitchen, chopping "dinner"

I stand there and watch you
marveling at how at ease you are
admiring your view and kitchen skills
thinking how lucky I am

10 minutes, I'm still watching you
and you still haven't noticed me yet
seems like sad song you're listening to 
as your movements become slower, gentler

Smirking, I crept up to you
Knowing this would scare you off
Waiting for a reaction (out of the ordinary)
that will probably crack me up

True to my thoughts
You screamed, when I touched your hips
dropping the spatula onto the floor
thank God, it wasn't a knife or my favorite bowl

I doubled over in laughter
When you finally turned around
in fact, I was a heap on the floor
laughing too hard, till tears flowed out

As the good sport, you always are
straddling me (on the floor)
soon you were joining in the laughter
to only be interrupted by the lingering burning smell
 

I am a puppet

once again I've been burnt
I spent tonight crying
because of words from a friend
as sharp as razor
shredding my heart into pieces
turning me even more insomniac
and i can't even defend myself
so, dear blog hear the words
I want to say, but cannot because it is a friend after all

Dear friend,
You know this problem started way back in August 2011.
It was meant to be a work of editing only, but it was that poorly written
I couldn't let it be, couldn't send it off as such
I did this with no intention of whatsoever, 
I didn't want a name
I didn't want fame
this because it wasn't my work
it wasn't my hard effort
but i changed everything
and i didn't even insert my name there
you should know better,
than accuse me of stealing your work

When my name appeared 
I didn't even realize it was first, until you mentioned to me
I didn't agree, and I was upset,
and I talked to you about this,
you should know, because we skyped

I fought, I went up and said
I'd rather not have my name at all
but you don't know, i got threatened
to be removed and you still won't be first
with someone else's name there for almost the nil work they did

Then came the whole fiasco with you wanting to be first
I had no objection, i would have relinquished the name in fact
because it is not my hardwork
and you should know what happened
it was (is still) in the emails splayed out for everyone to read
and did you forget, or were you just ignorant
to the fact that you decided to withdraw from it altogether
I still have the email as proof
if you would need a reminder of sort

it was a decision you made
I advised you against
but you said you'd rather let it all go
today, you are begrudging and accusing me for stealing your work

This was by far the hardest work I've ever done
It was kicked from one to another, then again to another
Then major revisions had to be done
which practically meant re-doing the whole bloody thing
from scratch, and I mean really from scratch
yes, it is your hardwork and effort
but it took me one and a half year to get it done
to be worthy, to be accepted
it took me a lot of effort too (by the way)
but it took even more from me
because it felt like a betrayal,
as your name was not there anymore
how many times i fretted over this issue
you will never know,
i only have god, mum and 2 other friends as witness
how much sleep, how much emotions
how I didn't know how to face you
yet i thought you would understand
as you were the one who relinquished your rights to this work
and i was a mere puppet in the games of the higher ranked people

but it hurts, to receive an email
with those kind of words
words that hurt me to the core
as if I haven't been felling guilty enough
as if I have intended all this from the very start
you say things too simply
quit and leave, you say
will you be feeding the people i have to fend?
many other options, you say?
why didn't you enlighten me earlier
when we talked about it?

I am hurt today..
really hurt..
You are my friend, but with this perhaps
we were not meant to be friends
I am sorry
I truly am
but I am also hurt, and I also have feelings
so, take my friend
 

fight

Walked into the pitch dark room
there you were, on the bed
on your side of the bed, stiff
unlike always, sprawled all over

Rarely this happened
Its always me who's raging
It's always I who would be fuming
but today, i could feel the anger simmering in the room

I didn't know what to do
nor how to approach you
i knew you are not asleep
I apologized earlier, but I've disappointed you, again

I could pretend and just go to bed
make it like nothing ever happened
but i know we won't be sleeping
and i hate unresolved issue

mostly, i hate turning you into this mess
the most patient being, being angry
i hate that i broke this promise 
and not for the first time, it'd even seem a deliberate plan 

Never knowing how to appease you
I just crept up the bed
slowly moving until i was spooning you
your stiff body becoming rigid, before you start breathing heavily

I wanted to apologize (again)\
but the words got stuck in my throat
I felt like I was gonna puke, or cry, or yell
before anything was done, you beat me to it

removing my arms harshly
sitting up, switching on the lamp
pacing around, with that frowning face of yours
If i'd look closely, there'll probably be steam puffing out your ears

Then all of a sudden, you turn to look at me
with your eyes blazing
i felt my heart tearing, shredding
will this be the end?

I couldn't look up anymore\
the questions you were firing at me, didn't registered
all i wanted to know
did i overstep the boundaries, and did you finally crack

once again, you were on the bed
cupping my face, with a little more strength than usual
making me look into your eyes
"do you love me at all?"

numbed by fear of losing you,
i didn't answer, i just looked at you
saw the fire in your eyes, dimming, changing
and now its the sea, the ocean of tears

You moved away
You went to the cupboards
you grabbed your suitcase
and you started packing, you started packing

you were leaving me,
you were leaving me, just i like i thought you would
you said you'd never leave
you told me no matter what, you'll never leave

I love you
I love you 
I really really love you
i chanted in my brain, if i don't, why does it hurt..

you stopped whatever you were doing
did i say that out loud
you just stood there, staring
was i still saying it out loud

it hurts, and i don't want you to leave
not because of something i did
i don't want you to leave
i love you, and i really don't want you to leave

then why? you asked me
why did you back off last minute?
why does it feel like you are not ready for this?
for us?

i did not do it on purpose
i do not go back on my words,
like i told you earlier, there a last minute urgent deal
i couldn't leave, i did not plan for it

i'm sorry, i'm so sorry..
i...........................................
will you come back to bed
willl you..............please i'm sorry

Surprising me

Pulling me along

hands tightly in yours

where are we going

what's the hurry

Bundling me up

in that humongous coat of yours

i am in my houseclothes

and its middle of night

Shoving me into

the still running car of yours

you did not answer my question

where are we going

Eyeing me up and down

rewarding me with a smirk so typically yours

fine, fine, if you aren't gonna answer

at least turn the heater up

Stealing glances

Brushing fingers

Sheepish grins

but still no word spoken

stirring me up

so gently with your lips on mine

i must have fallen asleep

where are we

Opening the door and tugging me with you

with your arms securely fasten around my waist

Oh, oh, oh, why... how... 

but.. I.. you... it's so beautiful

Silencing me

first gently, then more passionately

we didn't need any more words

just the stars, the moon, and you

My workaholic brain

I can't stop thinking. Seems like my brain is on an overdrive. I'm seriously mentally exhausted, but this brain of mine doesn't seem to have turn off switch. The moment work comes in, it keeps moving, turning, spinning, without any rest, even i go to bed, it doesn't stop. It'd be thinking of why this didn't work, how can that improved, which analysis should be used. I'd force it to stop thinking, meditating perhaps, but mostly the max it'll go off is like 5 minutes, then back to square one. I'd thinking about other things ~yeah, other things~, but eventually it'd be back to work again. I don't want to have a workaholic brain, i'm tired. Can it let me rest for a bit, i swear if u let me rest a bit, tomorrow you'll be in full running mode, all polished and waxed, in your running gears, but now, i feel like I ran a marathon ~and I don't run, don't like running~. So dear brain of mine, would you let me sleep now ~and sleep in tomorrow morning~??

possessive arms

where have you been?
why are you coming back at this time?
who did you go out with?

I haven't even taken off my shoes
and I don't need this now
I don't need this ever

Rolling my eyes, I just head to my favorite place
the one place, my one sanctuary
Filling up the bathtub, I stare at my reflection

I can hear your footsteps
I can hear you, like a pacing tiger
I wonder the extent of your possesiveness

Sliding into the hot scalding water
Closing my eyes, I slid deeper, submerged
until I couldn't breathe anymore

the hot water relaxing my stiff shoulder
send me into drowsy, sleepy state
forgetting about everything, including time

When I opened my eyes next
I was in my bed, wrapped up in the fluffiest robe
with a warm blanket, and a warm (possessive) arm around me

i'm sorry, whispered into my hair
i just.... i don't know.. choked out
i'm just sorry, i know how much you hate me doing that

Pulling me closer into an embrace
I could hear the unsteady heartbeat
I linked my fingers with the possessive ones on my tummy

Thank you, another whisper
and then it was silence, and I drifted off to sleep
with the last words of the night being, i love you

Frustrated me

Frustrated (PMSing) me

Baby, look at me
open your eyes please..
Come one, open your eyes
Oi!!! Are you gonna look at me now??

Refusing outright
All I did was to burrow deeper
Deeper in to safety haven, under the pillows
Waiting till you get tired and leave

Being stubborn ain't gonna send me away
Can't we talk about it? Just talk..
Don't be unreasonable...
At least look at me

I don't want to listen 
Not in this state.. Not when I am angry
Not when I might snap.. Not when I may hurt you
again...

Listen, I'm sorry
Will you forgive me?
I'll do anything to make it up to you
Please, baby, don't be mad

I snap, throwing the covers away
Why the fuck are you apologizing for?
You didn't do anything wrong.
Why are you saying sorry

What? Why are you like this?
You don't talk to me, you don't let me say anything
You don't let me in, I don't understand wha..
No baby, don't cry, don't cry..

I was pulled into a hug
angry frustrated tears rolling down
Don't say sorry, don't, just don't..
I hate you... I hate myself even more

Hush hush baby... cry them all out
Cry what ever's bothering you out
I'm sorry i forced you to talk,
Don't say anything but let me be here with you

Sobbing uncontrollably
i'm sorry i'm sorry..sorry.. 
there i stayed in your arms
until there were no more tears

Dawn

Approaching dawn

in the haze of sleep
felt your fingers in my navel
they circle the sensitive bellybutton
i can't help but shiver
the tremors you no doubt felt
made you braver
a kiss to my nape
a lick at my earlobes
i smiled, and shut my eyes tigher
refusing to wake
hands now my hips
never ceasing their movement
i couldn't help but
feel so comfortable
and soon i am back to sleep

Sleep..

Your beautiful face 

deep in sleep as you are

your arms wraps me close

your breath tickles the nape of neck

your heat warms me up

i wiggle and jiggle slowly

trying to glimpse at you

fingers tracing the contour of your face

lingering on those lips

you whine a little

moving your face away

away from my inquisitive fingers

but never letting me go

i keep watching you sleep

pondering how did i end up here

in your arms and your mercy

until i fell asleep snuggled into your chest 

Send me a sign, baby!

Are you happy there?
Wherever you are?
Whatever you are doing?
Because that's all I want to know
Because that's all I need to know
Because it's been years
And I have to let you go
And let someone new in
Although you'd probably always remain
somewhere deep, in a tiny corner
my steadily beating heart
So, if you ever see this,
Do send me a sign, 
A sign of your happiness
So my heart can rest in peace

To a friend (who'll never read this)

Someone once told me I am the type who'd do anything for the one I love.
This was said after observing me for so many years.
I don't know how much you had observed in those years.
Did you see through me? Did you see what had happened?
Did you understand, it was not because I didn't trust you enough to let you in?
And it was just because I wanted to keep my loved one safe?
From whom? you'd ask me. And truthfully I don't know.
Perhaps if I'd talked to you, especially when it all ended,
I'd have dealt with everything better, but I never realized,
I really never realized, that you saw through me,
and only when you told me I'm the type who'd anything for my loved one
I knew in my heart, that you probably have always known
So, I want to thank you for putting up with me those years
and sorry if I couldn't be a better friend..

Something I wrote a while back.. unfinished though...maybe one day I'll finish the list :)

My happy moments....

In primary school...

• none really, i don't remember much from primary school. Primary school for me was hell most of the times, where I used work so hard, i could have died, just to make sure, i am just as good as anyone else in class. It was where i learnt that in life you have to struggle, and there will constantly pushing you down, calling you names, destroying hopes and so on, and to face all that shit at that young of an age, makes me who I really am today

In high school...

• playing basketball, i just loved basketball, although i can't run much, but i am a good shooter. haha, i remember losing extremely badly in one of the matches, but ended feeling so good, because we tried our best.
• my english teacher in form 2, the way she motivated the class, made her into my top 5 best teacher list. She made me happy.
• having 3 other good friends (although we had a bad break-up, for reasons i can't even remember), i remember the happy moments, times when we did things together, when we went for tuition all the way at jln ipoh together, how one day it rained so heavily, that we got soaked and had to go back to my house to change, and skip tuition, and then made ourselves foods, and continued to gossip about who and what
• having the "yellow group", hahaha, with our yellow mind, we never cease to amaze each other.
• going to the monitor's house to make farewell gifts of candles, although i din help much in anyway, and our kind monitor made "mango & nestum" for us to try.
• doing all the dramas-orientation, farewelll, merdeka day and what not, dancing to mickey2, eating and eating and watching others eat/more like drink the curry my mum made

Stupid petty tears

your fingers
they inch up slowly
they caress, lightly
and suddenly they grab
"what the hell"
that's my fat
your fingers' pinching
"oww oww oww"
you start laughing
your eyes crinkling
becoming tiny slits
and tears leak out
"Not funny"
"Hurts, damn it"
hurts more in there 
in between the lungs
your fingers
now on my face
poking the corner of my lips
trying to make me smile
twist and turn
trying desperately to move away
to stop these petty tears 
that are threatening to fall
you grab my ankles
pulling me back underneath you
your eyes suddenly all serious
as you whispered into my ears
"I love you, fat and all"

hate myself more than anything

I am a bad person, aren't I?

Hurting so many people in my short live

Thinking that I am always rights,

being obstinate, being stubborn,

being selfish, being irresponsible

I hate myself sometimes......

Too late...

After 7 months...

I am still reflecting

on whether I have made you proud

or did I make you happy

I've hurt you

I've shouted at you

I've showed my long face at you

I'm probably the one you didn't like the most

you did everything with your other daughters

but you couldn't be yourself when I'm around

you had to yourself, right?

you had to pretend, right?

In front of me, because you were afraid of me..

I made you afraid of me

You are father, yet you were the one afraid of me

you had to pretend, 

you had to be someone else with me

How much I must have hurt you

with my temper, with my words

with my inability, with everything that I've caused

I'm sorry, I am really sorry, very sorry..

Sorry that you had a daughter like me...

Sorry...

Letting you go

I held your hand
I brought you near
I tiptoed to reach you
I whispered in your ears

She held your arms
She tugged you close
She grabbed your collar
She planted her lips on yours

You smiled at me
You melted with her
You laughed at me
You embraced her

You desperately held on
You said it was all a mistake
I said damage is done
Please leave and never look back


I let you go
I don't want hold on anymore
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to hate anymore

Away from Home

Away from home
after a long time I'm away from home again
The first time I couldn't wait to go away from home
And now I don't feel like leaving home

How much years can change a person
How much time can change things
How much experience can teach us
How much I'll learn that there's no place like home

Albeit reluctant, I have no choice
I have to do this, for the betterment of myself
as well as my family and dependents
I have to be away from home

I can adapt, I will adapt
I will do well here
just as I did well the last time
I will do my best, and relax.

My dear friend,

How do I maintain a good friendship?
It seems like I am failing to do so?
How can I miss my friends so much, yet I do not know how to reach out anymore?
I don't know whether it's a mutual missing?
or have I been forgotten?
Perhaps I am afraid to reach out?
Afraid that I am not welcome anymore?
Or I am afraid I'll be brushed over with simple answers like "yeah I am fine"?
I feel like writing my life story to you, yet I don't wanna bore you down?
I don't wanna feel like a fool?
I don't wanna know that you have moved on, or that I am just a part of your past?
Do tell me, pray tell me, I know I fail in communication
I know I don't do well in responding in proper time
and when I do respond, it seems like it's too late
the gap and the divide has just grown larger

But my dear friend,
I do miss you, and you are in my thoughts constantly
And I am sorry if I let you down
or if I didn't respond
Please don't take to heart
Please find some place to forgive me
Please know that I am always here for you
(if you do a friend, in joy and in pain)

Love,
Me

Negativity and me

I have this whole bunch of negativity stirring in me, bubbling, boiling,

and since its in me, it is suppressed, occasionally rearing its ugly fugly head,

taking down those closest to me, hurting those i love the most

these negative charges- sadness, grief, hurt, inferiority, lack of confidence, loneliness,

need to go, need to leave, need an outlet, need to be let, in a single stream, slow and steadily

I need to let go of every fucking thing that is bringing me down, that is hurting me,

I need to let go of the steam, before I begin my journey away from home

I need to gain some positivity, some hope, some desire of living, some life

I need to live again and belief again, need to love and let go again,

I need so many things, to do so many things, its overwhelming,

but I need to do so

in the hope that I'd never succumb to all this negativity that I have and live the reset of my life

as a walking zombie.

For who I am or for what I have

For who I am or for what I have?

Why can't you see me

for who I am

and not what I have?

Why won't give yourself a chance

if only you could look deeper

you'd see that I've more to offer?

Why should I dress up, to doll up, to look nice

so that you would pass me a look

Am I not beautiful without being made up?

Why do you all go on saying

that if I lost weight, i'd definitely have more suitors

what makes you think that I don't have one already?

Why should I get hurt again and again

by people who cannot accept me as I am

as They only see what I have?

I am tired, Sometime I cry, sometimes I blank out

sometimes it weighs me down, sometimes it makes me frown

I want to shrug it all away,

and just believe in myself,

just accept the way I am,

just keep telling myself I am who I am,

and if you can't see me that way,

and it's your lost!

2 months

Another 3 days, he'll be gone for 2 months

In 2 months many things have happened, mostly good.

But despite all these good things, there's a part of me that feels so alone,

feels like there's a part missing, feels like there nothing that can replace this part,

I miss him. I really really do.

Sometimes he comes to my dream, but when I wake up, I can't remember them at all.

Sometimes it feels like he's still around, still at home, still hanging around...

If I can feel like this, I really don't know ow my mum is coping,

she has been with him for 38 years, 38 long years, always with him, how is she coping?

None like him

Another 6 days, it would be a month since I lost him

Sometimes it feels like he has just taken for another overseas job

(and its easier to think of it like that)

then I remember he won't ever come back,

I wouldn't be seeing a physical manifestation of him anymore

it breaks my heart, it breaks all of our hearts

Sometimes I am just assaulted by memories

many many memories of him

the other i drove past the bus stop,

and i remembered the day we had a flat tyre and with his sickness

he still insisted on changing the tyre, and not letting me do it

(now, who is going to change the tyre for me?)

When i take the bus to work, and all along the federal highway

all I think of is the days, he or Amma drove him to work in Subang

and all this while he was sick while he was fighting his cancer

and just because with my salary, there was no way to support the family

and when i think of this, i feel regretful that till the end of his days

i could never have done enough for him

I could not give him the best that he deserves

I could not repay him all the things he had done for us (from the very beginning)

And when we run out gas, we still don't know how to change the knob

(although he taught me many times, i keep forgetting),

but with no one to pamper us that, I remember it clearly now

And no ones there to cut the tree, change the bulb,

no one watches the favorite channels of his, discovery, science, history, animal planet and whatnot

no one to wait me up in the living room when i come back late in the night

no one who i can bite his face and irritate him with my saliva all over his face

no one to sit in the kennel and play with the puppies

no one who be as strong as my father (even when he was sick)

No matter what i write here, it would never be sufficient to express how much I miss him

No matter what we go through daily life, I don't think any of us (Amma and us) will ever go a day without thinking and missing him

No matter how we pretend that we are fine, and all smiles, each of us carry one big hole in our hearts

because he took it when he left us forever

16 April 2012

20th October 1952, he took his first breath

16th April 2012, he took his last breath

Three days ago, I lost the best man of my life, my father.

His last breath was shared among people whom he loved dearly and those who loved him just as equally much. He spent the last few minutes, in prayers, and chants, and love.

He spent his last 5 days in the hospital, embroiled in pain, without being able to speak, eat or drink.

He spent the last 3 years of his life battling cancer, with frequent visits to hospitals and shrines and temples.

He spent 28 years of his life, working hard, raising the three of us, making sure we had food, drink, a roof, transportation, clothes, and every other luxury he could afford. All for us and nothing less. But most of all, he gave us the love that could never surpass anyone else in the world (besides my mother), and that has shaped us into what we are today.

He spent 39 years of his life, in love with my mother. 10 years before marriage and 29 after. He spent these years loving her in his very own ways.

And on the 16th of April 2012, this man left us, to a better place where sufferings cease, and hopefully he is happier no matter where he is.

My dear Appa, thank you for all that you have done, everything you have given, every minute that you spent with us, for all the love you showered us. Thank you.

We will miss you.

Work Trip

Went on a trip last week

To a rich country

Where foreign cars are rampant

houses in own plots and being bungalows

and drivers are the ones picking up children after school

and maids to do the work

No bikes nor any public transportation

mosques made of gold

clean city even with the lack of bins

people are friendly

and they seem to like sweet food

and meat (not that much of vege)

All in all, it was a tiring trip across the sea

But it was worth it all

Cause we had experience things we'd never have done otherwise

So time to plan for next year

Thanks

Tomorrow (Today) is my birthday!!!

Yeah, congrats!!!

Haha, me going crazy!!!

This post is dedicated to my mum and dad (and my sisters)

Without Appa and Amma, I wouldn't be here today,

so THANK YOU for meeting, and falling in love and deciding to stick to each other (when faced opposition by your parents) for 9 years before getting married and bringing me first to this world.

THANK YOU for your patience, hard work, dedication, love and motivation (and also the whackings, and scoldings and nagging and punishments), I wouldn't be who I am today (and I'd like to think I have grown up well)

THANK YOU for your support (in every single way, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially), I couldn't have achieved what I have achieved, and the more that I have to achieve in the future

THANK YOU for understanding and for your forgiveness for all the times I rebelled, acting out of my league, talked back, lied and made you guys unhappy.

THANK YOU for teaching right and wrong, for accepting me as I am (although you guys always want me to lose weight), with my faults and rights.

THANK YOU will never be enough in this lifetime to show/convey my gratitude to the both of you, because the love you guys gave us surplus everything else.

So THANK YOU!!! and LOVE you guys

Anxiety

Anxiety

What's this anxiety I'm feeling

This nagging little feeling

This uneasiness that lingers

no matter what I do today

No matter how I joke around

or how I seem to enjoy the company of good friends

This feeling of anxiety

seems to be eating me away

and literally leaving me nauseated

What is WRONG with me?

How can I get rid of this feeling?

Travelling

Hi

It's been awhile since I have posted anything serious here

Once upon a time, I used to write every single/ every other day, but nowadays I am too lazy to write. I may have lots of things happening, yet I feel extremely lazy to write. But most of the times, I have nothing going on. Looks like my life is an endless cycle of the same thing. Wake up- Eat- Work- Eat -Sleep. The cycle keeps repeating again and again.

I remember when I came back here, I complained that people taking the public transport are all sour faced and not friendly. Amazingly, I have turned into one of them. And I totally get why they all look like that. When I took the train, you'd have to be early (like 6am in the morning) to be able to sit through your journey, anything after 7am until 9am means you will be squeezing in a pack sardine tin (I mean, even sardine tins these days come with less fish and lots of sauce), with all sorts of smell, and behavior. And all these if the train is punctual, and no delays occurred, if not you can expect multiple times worst scenarios, like waiting for the (never coming) next train that you don't need to be pushed in with no breathing space at all! The same things happens after work hours as wells. All these translated into me going to work really early (7am), and since i didn't have the privilege of leaving early, so leaving the workplace late (8/9pm). I spend every single day and daylight hours at my workplace. On top of all that, i spend at least RM8.00 a day on travelling alone.

Then, I found a cheaper of travelling which is by bus where I could get a student pass costing RM50/month. I was happy, at least I could save some money, so I can eat more. But of course, a cheaper means mean something else would have to be sacrificed. When i used the train ride, it takes about 25minutes and another 30minutes of bus ride which means a total of 1 hour journey (well, if nothing goes wrong like a train delay, and missing of bus). Unfortunately, the cheaper bus ride all the way to University takes 2 hours (minimum) per way and that most of the time excludes the waiting time, as well as the high possibility of getting stuck in a traffic jam.

The best example would be yesterday, when I woke up at 6am, thinking of taking the 7am ladies bus to work. When i reached the bus stop at 7am, there were so many people waiting for bus, an indication that the previous bus did not come. When the bus came at 7.05am, it was not the ladies bus, and this bus was already packed like sardine, and I did not fancy standing 1hour to town. So I thought perhaps the ladies bus will come in awhile and decided not to board the sardine bus. There I am waiting and waiting, and at 7.40am, comes another sardine bus, without a choice I boarded the bus, and stood, anticipating a long winding journey. My luck seemed to have been bad yesterday, as the traffic was seriously bad, so i had to endure standing in a crowded bus for 2 hours before i finally reached town at 9.45am. From there i have to take another bus which could directly take me to the university, but looks like I missed the bus due to the fucking traffic and i didn't know when the next bus would come, so I took another which could take me to the where more buses heading towards the university will be at. Then from there, I took a third bus (which i had to pay for) to finally reach workplace at 10.40am. And considering my bad luck, the first person i meet after climbing the bloody stairs was my boss who frowned at the panting and heaving me, and jokingly said that i'd better go home at 10pm only..

And if you still can't understand the feelings of Malaysian public transport users, come live with me, and I'd bet you would last long either...

Memory lane

Travelling down memory lane

I remember you

and i remember your kisses

and your hugs and your love

Where would I find those again

and will ever find one that compares

to what you have showered me

to what you have left within me

Travelling down this road again

but this time all alone

makes everything seems like a dream

and no proof except for those memories

I hope it was not my imagination

what had happened was true

cause that was the best time of my live

Cause I was loved

New year

It's the new year

but the same old life

this would be my first post of the year

will try to not make it as depressing as it usually is

yeah

okay

i have really nothing much to say

my brain seems to be on a break

i am not thinking much these days

and maybe not thinking much is good

cause i am not as depressed or moody as i usually am

right

again

yeah

okay

happy new year people!!!