Blah

How to lose contact with (onced) loved ones manual 101.

Haha...

when the relationship starts feeling like a one-sided affair, only one hand clapping thin air, when you feel like you are the only one making an effort or trying to keep in touch, or you are just tired of being the first to reach out any more, its time to let go. to let it all go. and you just stop communicating full stop

Anyway what cheery thoughts for the first day of CNY.

its when you are sick you realize how truly alone you are.
Friends treat it like a joke
Mom treats it like you are about to die
sometimes its good to not tell anyone
sometimes its just so painful you want to yell at everyone

but yeah, so what, you are sick. and life goes on.

one stray thought

Just one niggling stray thought
bringing an onslaught self hatred and self destruction. why, even self pity.

Happy new year

ugly truth or ...

an uncomfortable encounter
standing between 2 people and chopping bones
whilst they go on about working in an obesity clinic
and fat-shaming the people who went there for help
6 packets of biscuits
10 yards to bus stop as exercise
while i stand between them in close proximity
while i who for my whole life have never been anything other than fat
dear lord

treacherous

what is wrong with me? something must be wrong... since when did i loathe myself? how long how have i been harboring thia hatred towards myself? simce when did i become self-deprecating? what? how did i let my self hate get this bad? did it seep in? thought by thought ?

Get lost!!! this is not what i am like...
get lost!!!!