Almost all of us want to belong somewhere, be it with a single person or with a crowd.
But, somehow this is not where i belong. This workplace is not somewhere i can belong, not even be a part of it. Its frustrating when you can't fit in, even though you have tried. When this is the "coldest"place i have ever been to, no one talks to the foreign one unless a question is asked. But they talk amongst themselves in a language i am yet to grasp. When my boss is speaking to everyone in a language neither me nor the other foreign one understands, it pisses me off more. Makes me put on my earphones, blast my music, because it hurts to not feel belonged.
Well, i shall just bear with it, its only another one and half year...
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Belong
Sunday, May 22, 2016
I would have loved to have a perfect family, but then again nothing is perfect.
I would like to say my family is broken, but that's not true when you compare to people who come really broken ones
Maybe I would say there is no harmony in my family. Every time we gather, so somewhat gather, there will be a fight, involving some tears, some shouting, some yelling... and I hate when things become that erratic.
But the worse part of all, is i can't do anything to make it better.
And to see your mom sad, to see her cry, to know in her heart she probably feels like she is just troubling of us all, and at the same time an outsider in her own family, it breaks my heart.
I want to make her happy, something I couldn't do for my dad. But happiness doesn't come from me having money and bringing her around the world. Happiness for her is to see her daughters' happiness, her granddaughter's happiness. And I can't make her happy in that sense, because there are my sisters, and they would have to feel the same. I am not perfect, i have hurt my mom again and again, many times, not only in the past but also recently. But i try to not, because she is all i have left. because if she is not there anymore, I won't have anyone, not my sisters who have their own life, not my relatives, not even my friends. But I just can't seem to make her happy, just like I failed to make my father happy;
Why is having an harmonious family like an impossible mission? Why....
I would like to say my family is broken, but that's not true when you compare to people who come really broken ones
Maybe I would say there is no harmony in my family. Every time we gather, so somewhat gather, there will be a fight, involving some tears, some shouting, some yelling... and I hate when things become that erratic.
But the worse part of all, is i can't do anything to make it better.
And to see your mom sad, to see her cry, to know in her heart she probably feels like she is just troubling of us all, and at the same time an outsider in her own family, it breaks my heart.
I want to make her happy, something I couldn't do for my dad. But happiness doesn't come from me having money and bringing her around the world. Happiness for her is to see her daughters' happiness, her granddaughter's happiness. And I can't make her happy in that sense, because there are my sisters, and they would have to feel the same. I am not perfect, i have hurt my mom again and again, many times, not only in the past but also recently. But i try to not, because she is all i have left. because if she is not there anymore, I won't have anyone, not my sisters who have their own life, not my relatives, not even my friends. But I just can't seem to make her happy, just like I failed to make my father happy;
Why is having an harmonious family like an impossible mission? Why....
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