Useless

I feel like the most useless person in the world
Seems like I can't get anything right..
No matter how hard I try..
No matter how much I give
No matter how much I do
it doesn't matter because I am probably the most useless piece of shit in this world
it doesn't matter at all
because even when i cry
no one cares
even if i don cry
no one cares
well, my mum cares, but why should I bother her with all this shit
and make her all worried and upset
because its okay I am upset all by myself
because its my shit that fucked up anyway
because i can't get a thing done
can't get a thing right
can't make them happy
can't think like them
can't do a shit like
can't do anything
basically i am crap or may be not even that
even shit is useful as fertilizer
So yeah, so yep, so yes
that's me, that's who I am
the useless daughter
the useless sister
the useless and stupid student
the useless and emotional friend
the useless and dumb researcher
the useless citizen
the stupid useless me
so thanks for reading this piece
and thanks for not responding
its okay i can understand
who'd want to respond to a useless me

Angry

I am so tired.. really so tired
I am mentally exhausted, physically exhausted..
I can't do this anymore..
You have no right to do this to me
No right at all
I have done all work, everything i should do
everything little thing, down to the most menial matter
yet in the end you fucking do this to me
FUCK you.. really fuck you
You have no rights to toy me around
to blackmail me, to play around like this
to hold my life in your fucking hands
FUCK you and your shit
FUCK you and your bloody moodswings
FUCK you again again and again
FUCK you until you die
You can't go around changing your mind every 2 seconds
You can't play with peoples' hard work
You can't play with my work.
I've been a good, I've listened to you
But you don't get to toy me around
You wanna play rough, I'll give you rough
you FUCKer!!!

Words that aren't coming out

Quanter of a year
That's how long since I've been gone
away from this place
in between many a times
I stopped by
looked at the white sheet
stared hard and yet
words just didn't come out
up to now it still doesn't come out
words.. seems like i've forgotten how to emote
like i've locked my feelings
bottled them up tightly
that even words don't come out anymore

and still it hurts, especially here in the heart
with too much to hold
and too little to be shared
and too exhausting
too far gone....

To go or not

Getting invited to someone's wedding
someone who meant a lot to you
someone who had once given the world to
someone whom you have loved before

Now, to go or not to go?

Work work work

Where did I go?
Went MIA for awhile didn't I?
Anyway it doesn't matter, does it?
Its not like someone reads this shit anyway...

Too much work is killing my creativity ~if i had some~
Too much work is stifling my imagination ~ if I had a little~
Too much work is bringing my morale down ~ this i had a lot~
Too much work is just too much work

Work is neverending
I have to know when to do what needs to be done
But sometimes I get ungodly deadlines,
that I know I will never be able to stick up to

So why do i subject myself to this
overworking and overkilling my brains
So why do i still work and work
and write and write and write

well, obligations and responsibility calls
i need to answer that call
i need to finish this so I can answer that call'
i need to graduate next year!!!