Hard to be me

It's so hard to be me.

I am very conflicting,

i find myself conflicting

more than often confused and confusing

I laugh at one minute

and go depressed in the other

mood's like today's weather

unpredictable and

quite often deadly

I turn here and run there

I say no but my heart is yelling yes

I want to go but

I can just be silly and refuse

just because I can

I don understand myself

you ask me

what's wrong

I say oh oh, everything's perfectly perfect

but my face looks like poop

Everyone says eat less

cause I keep getting fatter

even if I don't eat as much as they do

I left a lot of bad eating habits behind

Do you want to me to finally not eat

and live or thin air

okay, then you eat moderately

do more exercise,

Well, thats where I am at fault

I don exercise well

I can walk bit I can't jog nor run

I can swim but in no gym

I love dancing, but i so miss my dancing partner

I pretend too much

or so i think,

if not i wouldn't have a face like poop

nor would I be running away from friends

I guess I forgotten how to pretend

Or maybe I have grown too attached

and my brain is ordering me

to detach

just like how they put some trypsin

it's feel like time to distance

to avoid

to make sure I never get hurt

to shelter my heart from possible heartache

you see,

even I can't comprehend myself

what more if you think you can

stop deluding yourself

you don't know me and

will never understand me

and I don blame you

Cause I fail to do so myself