It's raining

It's raining.

These days I feel like I have nothing to say. In fact, it's been awhile since I have blogged or written or was imaginative. I have nothing to say anymore? nothing to think of? nothing that excites me? have I become another one of those mundane people, doing their mundane things in life, not realizing that life is passing by, that time is ticking away? I may very well seem to be that.

No, actually, I realized that many things are not to be spoken of, to be thought of, to be seen with, to be heard upon. When I started feeling down, troubled, awful, sad, hopeless, and all negative sometime last year, I started to tune things out, instead of seeking a solution, I ran away, I hid myself. And very deep and well I hid myself, holding back on tears, keeping quiet, fighting the urge to scream. I turned to watching sitcoms, Korean dramas, these things tuned me out from the real world, they bring me to a world of their own, and they keep me there. But, how long could they keep me there, one day or another I had to come out and face the world.

All these months, I have a smile on my face, no matter how hard it became, I smiled, to hide everything, to not make people worry, to not hurt people. It's is very hard to smile when all you feel is to sit down and cry your eyes out, and most days that was what I felt like doing. Sometimes, I cried on my way walking back, sometimes when I was in my room, rarely did I cry on my friends' shoulders because crying alone is all I can do.

Maybe all these crying, hiding and finding fantasy worlds have numbed me, have altered some part of me, that I no longer am able to write something interesting.

Whatever it is, it may very well seem like I am talking to myself again :)