happily ever after (not)

"Happily ever after" in storybooks don't exist
You just overcame the first hurdle in life,
and it is only gonna get rough and tough
because you no longer are a single person
you have to share, live together with someone
in a closed up space, for a long time,
you can't be happily ever after
you will have disagreements, misunderstandings
you will be bored, you will go grow tired,
you will be feel unloved, you will have children
you will then less time, then no time,
you will fight, you will bicker, you will get on each other's nerve

but you should also be able to find a way through it all
if you want to, if you both still love and respect each other, find a way through it all
and if there is a need to separate, please do
please do not stay in abusive relationships, be it mentally, physically or even emotionally

so, don't end the story with a happily ever after. because shit happens.

#happyeverafterdontexist

Reasons and defeat

It's never gonna be same again
As I sit stiffly, refusing to look at you or even hear you out

It's not going to work
As you kneel by me, pleading your "excuses and reasons"

It ain't easy to keep the hurt, the anger inside
As i clench my fist, making angry crescents on my palm

It's so frustrating to hear you say again and again
As you deny your lies and tell me that it was all a misunderstanding

It's even harder to let go
when you beg me to not leave, to give you a few days, to give a chance to explain

It was my breaking point
when I icily questioned, are those days for evidence ridding

It just got worse
when I realize that I was already going to give in to you

It's my fault in the end
for even starting this shit in the first place
for removing the barriers I've built so carefully around my heart

My first story

I wrote my first story, I think I was 9/10 years old. It was written on pages torn out from the middle of my school notebook. I might have written about 15-20 pages of stuff that don't exactly remember writing, What I do remember, is feeling proud of completing this without it being an excuse for school. Something that I had always thought I would love to do. So, feeling accomplished, I gave 2 persons that I adore and love ~people whom I still love today~ to read. I remember being so nervous and anxious. Of course, after reading they were praising me, and saying it was well written and all the stuff you say to a child. But me being me, an overtly observant piece of shit, even at a young age, mostly deciphered their true feelings for my story just by their expression while they were reading. Their expression seemed to have said it all. Both of them looked surprised, worried, and  mildly disturbed. ~Now that I think of it, maybe the story was too adult for my age? Well, it contained kissing and stuff, which were at those days considered not suitable for children our age. However, with the exposure of TV (at that era), of course we were bound to find kissing all over our small screens~ Seeing their expression, I remember feeling terribly embarrassed, and useless and felt like I should never ever write anything more in my life. I think I kept up to this motto until senior high school. Until I had school assignments that required me to exchange diary-like essays with random classmates. ~I still have those stored in a box back home, and boy, they do bring back lots of memories~ From then I wrote, mostly for school assignments, then I wrote personal diaries ~of which I burnt at the end of the year, so stupid of me~ and then I started writing in blogs, I had a friendster account and a blog there ~unfortunately it has been wiped out~ so I lost most of my writings there. There I had gmail, which came with blogger, and I started writing here. It feels liberating at times to just write down things, and especially when I am upset, angry or lost. It is also fun to re-visit these old writings someday, and think back what the hell did I do on this day. I also dabble in some not very poetic writings ~I suck at that~. Nowadays I read a lot of fanfictions and there are some who are really really very good at writing, very imaginative, some of them make me cry, laugh, and get emotional along with their characters. But ever since ~my first story~, I have never attempted anything serious, I don;t think I can write very well anyway, and i am not that imaginative nor am i creative. I think my confidence took a serious beating even back then.

Moral of the story: Be mindful of how you treat children, not only with your words and gestures but also your expression towards them, Because cumulatively these will create a life long lasting impression of them. Impacting their behavior and attitude in work, life, and overall being a human.,,,

sobs

you told me you'd be late
you told me you'd a meeting
you told me you'd to fly overseas
you told me lies

i never learn
i forgot the pain
i thought you were different
i fell in love with you

you come back
you act like nothing's changed
you still shower with love
or was it an act since the beginning

i don't know how to act
i can't pretend
i saw you out there with someone else
so don't try to deny the fact

you know i once told you
if you ever fall out of love
just tell it to my face
i will walk out by myself

i will not confront you
i will not scream at you
i will not make a scene
but i will leave and not let you see a tear

you stop me
you ask me why i am leaving
you look like you are going to die
why would you? you should be glad

i said i wouldn't let you see my tears
i also said i can't pretend
i try to be stone-hearted
but you had thawed that heart some time ago

so when you hugged me tight
and swore that you had no idea what was happening
all i could do was to freeze in your arms
and let out wracking sobs