Private Area

All I see is DARKNESS.
All I feel is COLD.
All I hear is CRITICISM
All I want is PEACE
and a SMILE on your FACE

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

16 April 2012

20th October 1952, he took his first breath
16th April 2012, he took his last breath

Three days ago, I lost the best man of my life, my father.

His last breath was shared among people whom he loved dearly and those who loved him just as equally much. He spent the last few minutes, in prayers, and chants, and love.

He spent his last 5 days in the hospital, embroiled in pain, without being able to speak, eat or drink.

He spent the last 3 years of his life battling cancer, with frequent visits to hospitals and shrines and temples.

He spent 28 years of his life, working hard, raising the three of us, making sure we had food, drink, a roof, transportation, clothes, and every other luxury he could afford. All for us and nothing less. But most of all, he gave us the love that could never surpass anyone else in the world (besides my mother), and that has shaped us into what we are today.

He spent 39 years of his life, in love with my mother. 10 years before marriage and 29 after. He spent these years loving her in his very own ways.

And on the 16th of April 2012, this man left us, to a better place where sufferings cease, and hopefully he is happier no matter where he is.


My dear Appa, thank you for all that you have done, everything you have given, every minute that you spent with us, for all the love you showered us. Thank you.

We will miss you.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Work Trip

Went on a trip last week
To a rich country
Where foreign cars are rampant
houses in own plots and being bungalows
and drivers are the ones picking up children after school
and maids to do the work
No bikes nor any public transportation
mosques made of gold
clean city even with the lack of bins
people are friendly
and they seem to like sweet food
and meat (not that much of vege)

All in all, it was a tiring trip across the sea
But it was worth it all
Cause we had experience things we'd never have done otherwise

So time to plan for next year

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Thanks

Tomorrow (Today) is my birthday!!!
Yeah, congrats!!!
Haha, me going crazy!!!

This post is dedicated to my mum and dad (and my sisters)


Without Appa and Amma, I wouldn't be here today,
so THANK YOU for meeting, and falling in love and deciding to stick to each other (when faced opposition by your parents) for 9 years before getting married and bringing me first to this world.

THANK YOU for your patience, hard work, dedication, love and motivation (and also the whackings, and scoldings and nagging and punishments), I wouldn't be who I am today (and I'd like to think I have grown up well)

THANK YOU for your support (in every single way, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially), I couldn't have achieved what I have achieved, and the more that I have to achieve in the future

THANK YOU for understanding and for your forgiveness for all the times I rebelled, acting out of my league, talked back, lied and made you guys unhappy.

THANK YOU for teaching right and wrong, for accepting me as I am (although you guys always want me to lose weight), with my faults and rights.

THANK YOU will never be enough in this lifetime to show/convey my gratitude to the both of you, because the love you guys gave us surplus everything else.

So THANK YOU!!! and LOVE you guys


Anxiety

Anxiety
What's this anxiety I'm feeling
This nagging little feeling
This uneasiness that lingers
no matter what I do today
No matter how I joke around
or how I seem to enjoy the company of good friends
This feeling of anxiety
seems to be eating me away
and literally leaving me nauseated
What is WRONG with me?
How can I get rid of this feeling?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Travelling

Hi
It's been awhile since I have posted anything serious here

Once upon a time, I used to write every single/ every other day, but nowadays I am too lazy to write. I may have lots of things happening, yet I feel extremely lazy to write. But most of the times, I have nothing going on. Looks like my life is an endless cycle of the same thing. Wake up- Eat- Work- Eat -Sleep. The cycle keeps repeating again and again.

I remember when I came back here, I complained that people taking the public transport are all sour faced and not friendly. Amazingly, I have turned into one of them. And I totally get why they all look like that. When I took the train, you'd have to be early (like 6am in the morning) to be able to sit through your journey, anything after 7am until 9am means you will be squeezing in a pack sardine tin (I mean, even sardine tins these days come with less fish and lots of sauce), with all sorts of smell, and behavior. And all these if the train is punctual, and no delays occurred, if not you can expect multiple times worst scenarios, like waiting for the (never coming) next train that you don't need to be pushed in with no breathing space at all! The same things happens after work hours as wells. All these translated into me going to work really early (7am), and since i didn't have the privilege of leaving early, so leaving the workplace late (8/9pm). I spend every single day and daylight hours at my workplace. On top of all that, i spend at least RM8.00 a day on travelling alone.

Then, I found a cheaper of travelling which is by bus where I could get a student pass costing RM50/month. I was happy, at least I could save some money, so I can eat more. But of course, a cheaper means mean something else would have to be sacrificed. When i used the train ride, it takes about 25minutes and another 30minutes of bus ride which means a total of 1 hour journey (well, if nothing goes wrong like a train delay, and missing of bus). Unfortunately, the cheaper bus ride all the way to University takes 2 hours (minimum) per way and that most of the time excludes the waiting time, as well as the high possibility of getting stuck in a traffic jam.

The best example would be yesterday, when I woke up at 6am, thinking of taking the 7am ladies bus to work. When i reached the bus stop at 7am, there were so many people waiting for bus, an indication that the previous bus did not come. When the bus came at 7.05am, it was not the ladies bus, and this bus was already packed like sardine, and I did not fancy standing 1hour to town. So I thought perhaps the ladies bus will come in awhile and decided not to board the sardine bus. There I am waiting and waiting, and at 7.40am, comes another sardine bus, without a choice I boarded the bus, and stood, anticipating a long winding journey. My luck seemed to have been bad yesterday, as the traffic was seriously bad, so i had to endure standing in a crowded bus for 2 hours before i finally reached town at 9.45am. From there i have to take another bus which could directly take me to the university, but looks like I missed the bus due to the fucking traffic and i didn't know when the next bus would come, so I took another which could take me to the where more buses heading towards the university will be at. Then from there, I took a third bus (which i had to pay for) to finally reach workplace at 10.40am. And considering my bad luck, the first person i meet after climbing the bloody stairs was my boss who frowned at the panting and heaving me, and jokingly said that i'd better go home at 10pm only..

And if you still can't understand the feelings of Malaysian public transport users, come live with me, and I'd bet you would last long either...