fight

Walked into the pitch dark room
there you were, on the bed
on your side of the bed, stiff
unlike always, sprawled all over

Rarely this happened
Its always me who's raging
It's always I who would be fuming
but today, i could feel the anger simmering in the room

I didn't know what to do
nor how to approach you
i knew you are not asleep
I apologized earlier, but I've disappointed you, again

I could pretend and just go to bed
make it like nothing ever happened
but i know we won't be sleeping
and i hate unresolved issue

mostly, i hate turning you into this mess
the most patient being, being angry
i hate that i broke this promise 
and not for the first time, it'd even seem a deliberate plan 

Never knowing how to appease you
I just crept up the bed
slowly moving until i was spooning you
your stiff body becoming rigid, before you start breathing heavily

I wanted to apologize (again)\
but the words got stuck in my throat
I felt like I was gonna puke, or cry, or yell
before anything was done, you beat me to it

removing my arms harshly
sitting up, switching on the lamp
pacing around, with that frowning face of yours
If i'd look closely, there'll probably be steam puffing out your ears

Then all of a sudden, you turn to look at me
with your eyes blazing
i felt my heart tearing, shredding
will this be the end?

I couldn't look up anymore\
the questions you were firing at me, didn't registered
all i wanted to know
did i overstep the boundaries, and did you finally crack

once again, you were on the bed
cupping my face, with a little more strength than usual
making me look into your eyes
"do you love me at all?"

numbed by fear of losing you,
i didn't answer, i just looked at you
saw the fire in your eyes, dimming, changing
and now its the sea, the ocean of tears

You moved away
You went to the cupboards
you grabbed your suitcase
and you started packing, you started packing

you were leaving me,
you were leaving me, just i like i thought you would
you said you'd never leave
you told me no matter what, you'll never leave

I love you
I love you 
I really really love you
i chanted in my brain, if i don't, why does it hurt..

you stopped whatever you were doing
did i say that out loud
you just stood there, staring
was i still saying it out loud

it hurts, and i don't want you to leave
not because of something i did
i don't want you to leave
i love you, and i really don't want you to leave

then why? you asked me
why did you back off last minute?
why does it feel like you are not ready for this?
for us?

i did not do it on purpose
i do not go back on my words,
like i told you earlier, there a last minute urgent deal
i couldn't leave, i did not plan for it

i'm sorry, i'm so sorry..
i...........................................
will you come back to bed
willl you..............please i'm sorry

Surprising me

Pulling me along

hands tightly in yours

where are we going

what's the hurry

Bundling me up

in that humongous coat of yours

i am in my houseclothes

and its middle of night

Shoving me into

the still running car of yours

you did not answer my question

where are we going

Eyeing me up and down

rewarding me with a smirk so typically yours

fine, fine, if you aren't gonna answer

at least turn the heater up

Stealing glances

Brushing fingers

Sheepish grins

but still no word spoken

stirring me up

so gently with your lips on mine

i must have fallen asleep

where are we

Opening the door and tugging me with you

with your arms securely fasten around my waist

Oh, oh, oh, why... how... 

but.. I.. you... it's so beautiful

Silencing me

first gently, then more passionately

we didn't need any more words

just the stars, the moon, and you

My workaholic brain

I can't stop thinking. Seems like my brain is on an overdrive. I'm seriously mentally exhausted, but this brain of mine doesn't seem to have turn off switch. The moment work comes in, it keeps moving, turning, spinning, without any rest, even i go to bed, it doesn't stop. It'd be thinking of why this didn't work, how can that improved, which analysis should be used. I'd force it to stop thinking, meditating perhaps, but mostly the max it'll go off is like 5 minutes, then back to square one. I'd thinking about other things ~yeah, other things~, but eventually it'd be back to work again. I don't want to have a workaholic brain, i'm tired. Can it let me rest for a bit, i swear if u let me rest a bit, tomorrow you'll be in full running mode, all polished and waxed, in your running gears, but now, i feel like I ran a marathon ~and I don't run, don't like running~. So dear brain of mine, would you let me sleep now ~and sleep in tomorrow morning~??

possessive arms

where have you been?
why are you coming back at this time?
who did you go out with?

I haven't even taken off my shoes
and I don't need this now
I don't need this ever

Rolling my eyes, I just head to my favorite place
the one place, my one sanctuary
Filling up the bathtub, I stare at my reflection

I can hear your footsteps
I can hear you, like a pacing tiger
I wonder the extent of your possesiveness

Sliding into the hot scalding water
Closing my eyes, I slid deeper, submerged
until I couldn't breathe anymore

the hot water relaxing my stiff shoulder
send me into drowsy, sleepy state
forgetting about everything, including time

When I opened my eyes next
I was in my bed, wrapped up in the fluffiest robe
with a warm blanket, and a warm (possessive) arm around me

i'm sorry, whispered into my hair
i just.... i don't know.. choked out
i'm just sorry, i know how much you hate me doing that

Pulling me closer into an embrace
I could hear the unsteady heartbeat
I linked my fingers with the possessive ones on my tummy

Thank you, another whisper
and then it was silence, and I drifted off to sleep
with the last words of the night being, i love you

Frustrated me

Frustrated (PMSing) me

Baby, look at me
open your eyes please..
Come one, open your eyes
Oi!!! Are you gonna look at me now??

Refusing outright
All I did was to burrow deeper
Deeper in to safety haven, under the pillows
Waiting till you get tired and leave

Being stubborn ain't gonna send me away
Can't we talk about it? Just talk..
Don't be unreasonable...
At least look at me

I don't want to listen 
Not in this state.. Not when I am angry
Not when I might snap.. Not when I may hurt you
again...

Listen, I'm sorry
Will you forgive me?
I'll do anything to make it up to you
Please, baby, don't be mad

I snap, throwing the covers away
Why the fuck are you apologizing for?
You didn't do anything wrong.
Why are you saying sorry

What? Why are you like this?
You don't talk to me, you don't let me say anything
You don't let me in, I don't understand wha..
No baby, don't cry, don't cry..

I was pulled into a hug
angry frustrated tears rolling down
Don't say sorry, don't, just don't..
I hate you... I hate myself even more

Hush hush baby... cry them all out
Cry what ever's bothering you out
I'm sorry i forced you to talk,
Don't say anything but let me be here with you

Sobbing uncontrollably
i'm sorry i'm sorry..sorry.. 
there i stayed in your arms
until there were no more tears