fight

Walked into the pitch dark room
there you were, on the bed
on your side of the bed, stiff
unlike always, sprawled all over

Rarely this happened
Its always me who's raging
It's always I who would be fuming
but today, i could feel the anger simmering in the room

I didn't know what to do
nor how to approach you
i knew you are not asleep
I apologized earlier, but I've disappointed you, again

I could pretend and just go to bed
make it like nothing ever happened
but i know we won't be sleeping
and i hate unresolved issue

mostly, i hate turning you into this mess
the most patient being, being angry
i hate that i broke this promise 
and not for the first time, it'd even seem a deliberate plan 

Never knowing how to appease you
I just crept up the bed
slowly moving until i was spooning you
your stiff body becoming rigid, before you start breathing heavily

I wanted to apologize (again)\
but the words got stuck in my throat
I felt like I was gonna puke, or cry, or yell
before anything was done, you beat me to it

removing my arms harshly
sitting up, switching on the lamp
pacing around, with that frowning face of yours
If i'd look closely, there'll probably be steam puffing out your ears

Then all of a sudden, you turn to look at me
with your eyes blazing
i felt my heart tearing, shredding
will this be the end?

I couldn't look up anymore\
the questions you were firing at me, didn't registered
all i wanted to know
did i overstep the boundaries, and did you finally crack

once again, you were on the bed
cupping my face, with a little more strength than usual
making me look into your eyes
"do you love me at all?"

numbed by fear of losing you,
i didn't answer, i just looked at you
saw the fire in your eyes, dimming, changing
and now its the sea, the ocean of tears

You moved away
You went to the cupboards
you grabbed your suitcase
and you started packing, you started packing

you were leaving me,
you were leaving me, just i like i thought you would
you said you'd never leave
you told me no matter what, you'll never leave

I love you
I love you 
I really really love you
i chanted in my brain, if i don't, why does it hurt..

you stopped whatever you were doing
did i say that out loud
you just stood there, staring
was i still saying it out loud

it hurts, and i don't want you to leave
not because of something i did
i don't want you to leave
i love you, and i really don't want you to leave

then why? you asked me
why did you back off last minute?
why does it feel like you are not ready for this?
for us?

i did not do it on purpose
i do not go back on my words,
like i told you earlier, there a last minute urgent deal
i couldn't leave, i did not plan for it

i'm sorry, i'm so sorry..
i...........................................
will you come back to bed
willl you..............please i'm sorry