Brain and Heart at War

sometimes i am at war with myself.

Really, I am a total introvert. I am anti-social. I really don't like standing on stage. I don't like meeting people for the first time. I am worse when at social functions, especially if I don't have a close friend to stick to.

Recently, I have been warring with myself as to whether to step out of the house or not. Would it better to go out and explore? or would it be better to be recluse and hide in my room and watch all the drama i can watch, read all the fanfictions that I can read. My heart says one thing, and my brain says another. And the heart and brain are also completely fickle, because they switch priorities and never do agree with each other.

I want to go out, I want to walk around the city, around the country. My brain mostly says it is no problem, I can do it, I can go wherever I want. And my heart knows brain is right, but heart is not completely in it. It doesn't like going around alone, walking the streets alone, not speaking the language, with no friends, no acquaintances, hate sitting in the cafe alone (although brain says people watching is fun), my heart is not up for this adventure. Then sometimes, its the complete opposite, the heart say yes, lets go, and when I step out of the house and walk around, brain becomes paranoid, and heart starts become mellow, and wants to just go back home.

So, under such circumstances, what should I do?

#BrainAndHeartAtWar #thoughts

My workaholic brain

I can't stop thinking. Seems like my brain is on an overdrive. I'm seriously mentally exhausted, but this brain of mine doesn't seem to have turn off switch. The moment work comes in, it keeps moving, turning, spinning, without any rest, even i go to bed, it doesn't stop. It'd be thinking of why this didn't work, how can that improved, which analysis should be used. I'd force it to stop thinking, meditating perhaps, but mostly the max it'll go off is like 5 minutes, then back to square one. I'd thinking about other things ~yeah, other things~, but eventually it'd be back to work again. I don't want to have a workaholic brain, i'm tired. Can it let me rest for a bit, i swear if u let me rest a bit, tomorrow you'll be in full running mode, all polished and waxed, in your running gears, but now, i feel like I ran a marathon ~and I don't run, don't like running~. So dear brain of mine, would you let me sleep now ~and sleep in tomorrow morning~??