ugly truth or ...

an uncomfortable encounter
standing between 2 people and chopping bones
whilst they go on about working in an obesity clinic
and fat-shaming the people who went there for help
6 packets of biscuits
10 yards to bus stop as exercise
while i stand between them in close proximity
while i who for my whole life have never been anything other than fat
dear lord

treacherous

what is wrong with me? something must be wrong... since when did i loathe myself? how long how have i been harboring thia hatred towards myself? simce when did i become self-deprecating? what? how did i let my self hate get this bad? did it seep in? thought by thought ?

Get lost!!! this is not what i am like...
get lost!!!!

Changes

We all change, don't we? As you grow older, circumstances change, feelings change, people move on, life goes on.. we should never expect life to be the same. Many a times, friends become busy, friends make new friends, the time you meet up become so little. you start wondering if things could ever be like those days. In the end nevertheless you die alone, so might as well learn to live alone.

Lost identity

Lately, I have been feeling lost. It feels like I have lost a part of my identity. Its like I don't know myself anymore. I have no motivation, no desire, no passion for anything. When I look at other people, they have hobbies, things they like to do, sewing, cooking, dancing etc.. while i just sit here and rot myself away. compared to 7 years ago, I am but a meagre of myself.. i used to be bubbling with self confidence, and curiousity, now its like the complete opposite.. somehow it feels like I have died inside.

dancing all by yourself

your whole life, you have danced alone.
on this stage all by yourself.
you are so comfortable in your space.
the music is all yours.
the beat controls your movement.
you dont follow no one
coz the rhythm comes to you.
you do as you wish
you sway as you want.
you are not perfect
but the stage is all yours.
you are drowning in it
but only in joy you drown you dance you move.
unknowingly capturing the eyes of many.
you are not used to that
because in real life no one pays you any attention.
but they do on this stage
some with malicious intentions
some with wonder
some just wanna join you in having fun

but you
you have danced all by yourself all your life
you do not know how to sync with another
you do not understand how some songs are meant for two
you do not feel comfortable when someone steps in your bubble
so you apologize
or you fight

its okay darling
just go on being you
just keep on dancing alone
one day you will find someone who learns what moves you
then may you find your dance partner