Don't come any closer

Don't come any closer

your smell invades

permeates my cells

every single one of them

Don't come any closer

your touch hurts

leaving unseen marks

invisible yet always there

Don't come any close

your hold transfixes

holds me still

send my heart into a running mess

Don't come any closer

your whispers confuses

brain goes haywire

half tuned half gone

Don't come any closer

Any closer

I'll burn, be burned

combust and turn to ash

Don't come any closer

any closer

i'll turn around and run

cause all i really wanna do is crush into you

you

in my dreams

you appear

always faceless

with tender love

why are you faceless

why are you so tender

why do you hold me like that

and whisper sweet nothingness

but you only come in my dreams

your kisses is just a dream

who are you

will you ever appear

and make everything alright

Disturbed

Disturbed

this is how i feel (today)

depressed

bouncing way back to reality

sometimes i wonder, is my acting that good that people really see me as a full of self-confidence person? or i am really full of self-confidence?

on days like today

all i feel is self-loathe

self-hatred and self pity

i feel like i am the worst person in the world

i remember, that one day when I sat there and watch him play basketball, just sitting there admiring him (as i've always done, admiring him from afar), and then it happened someone saw me and said this "people like you (fat and ugly) don't even think of having a crush, do you think that guy will like you, do you know how embarrassing it would be for him to know that someone like you likes him?". I was astounded, i only watched him (from afar), and i've never even approached him, I was hurt but i did not show the person my hurt. I put a smile on my face, sat there for another 15minutes (the maximum my heart could take, before it decided it couldn't last any longer) and walked away with a smile. All i wanted to do was cry, in fact! I never meant to hurt or embarrass anyone. All the way I walked with a smile, occasionally cracking a joke or two with my friends. And when I reached my room, i jumped into my bed, and stared at the double decker above me, willing my tears away, hoping my friends would leave me alone, so that i can wallow in my self loathsome. They didn't leave, (and today I am very thankful for that) and they seem to detect my distress. The next thing i know, i had two friends on both sides of me, holding me close, and telling me it's ok to cry, it's ok, don't listen to a fuck that guy was saying, don't ever think that way, you're beautiful, you're fine as you are. With all that hugs and kisses on my face, naturally my dam broke, and for the very first time, my walls cracked, i was heaving, sobbing, crying my eyes out to the two bestest friends i've had.

now, (today)

when I sat in that bus and saw you

i wonder why did those words of that bastard come back

why did i not forget them already

or how much truth was in what that guy had said

and my smile naturally faded away and my eyes welled with tears

and i decided, go back to reality

because those words seems like reality (today)

I wish

I am trying hard
to forget, but I think it's bcoz I still cannot forgive you
or maybe I can't forgive myself

I wish I was by your side
You were the only who can understand me
Know what to say and what not to say
you knew how to calm my fear

I wish you were by my side
You talked to me openly
no secrets, just talk on and on
and I never grew bored

I wish we were still together
bcoz it seemed like we were meant for each other
maybe not in the way I want it
but it was there, strong and sure
our love for each other

But now... I just wish

we are just together

Delusional me

do you think i'm delusional?

i appear giddy and giggly

but don't ever think i am delusional

i know where i stand

i know where is my place

i've been reminded of my place

constantly

that i've got it all in my head

i know how i look

just average looking face

with a below average looking body

i know exactly how i look in your eyes

i know how is it

because i wouldn't look at myself if i were you

i try not to get my hopes up

when with friends

all your looks (if they were intended for me)

are for them

that's what i constantly remind myself

to not get my hopes up

but all the same i pretend to be giddy and giggly

as if they were meant for me

and when i am alone

why do you still look

take your eyes away

there's only me there

so why are you still looking

so why are you still staring

i am not gonna make myself delusional

and think that you have "it" for me

but all the same i pretend

to appear giddy and giggly

and remind myself

i'm in no one's league

in no one's league.