lost

somehow

i feel lost

i feel tired

i feel empty

even though

i have a direction

i have enough sleep

i have my family and some friends

but somehow

i end up like this

pondering ahead

wondering what's wrong

when

everything seems fine

everything's moving smoothly

everyone's trying their best

yet

this is how i feel

and i cannot understand myself

perhaps i need some help

Squinting

Looking at you

so far away

where are you heading?

Gaping

As you make your way

towards me

are you kidding me?

Giggling

As you step up to me

Said "hi"

what'd you expect me to do?

Smiling

you sent my heart in a frenzy

lost my breathe

what more can i say?

Sighing

when you walked away

hoping you'll be back soon

to make my day

gone is my muse

i don't know what to write

down the drain it went

will i ever find it again

Annoyed

How easily i get annoyed

annoyed because of little things

irritated because of certain actions

then getting all depressed

because i get annoyed and irritated

at meaningless things

and most importantly at people who mean the world to me

and especially when i conscious that I am hurting them

and what's the point is feeling regret

when all has been said and done

when regret don't mean a thing

when this keeps happening again and again

this side of me that never seems to change

as much as i feel like i need to change

i still get bloody annoyed and irritated

Envy?

sometimes i bloody hate why the hell I am still here

but just sometimes

when everyone seems to be somewhere

having a family

having a stable job

having fun studying in place I wanna be

having lots of fun in life

with many hobbies

and I am all stuck here.

Not that i don't like what I am doing

I take everything I do with the same fervor I take in life

serious and yet i try my best to make as fun as possible

perhaps I am just envious of people

Looking at others, seeing their achievements, and their enjoyment

makes me feel like I haven't been doing the best in my life

Envy: one of the greatest sin

Envy brings unhappiness right?

I shouldn't be envious of others and of what they have

because I have done enough ~trying my best to console myself that I've tried my best~

because I have a family, a roof over my head and food on my table

I am thankful, and for that i am glad

yet sometimes, i feel so envious of others

just because I feel I deserve better ~i am a SNOB for saying this, right?~

because I feel i haven't given my best ~i am trying though..~

I hate the me today

I wonder what did I do to myself and my dreams

why I am here?

~Fret not~ consoling myself ~one day, your day will come when you can soar high and achieve whatever you want to achieve, just hold on, keep holding on~