Hurting You

Enough enough
I can't take it anymore
I can't bear it any longer
Would you leave, please
I begged I pleaded
Just leave, I don't want this
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to keep hurting you
I don't want to keep hurting me
I don't want to keep hurting us
I will never be in peace
nor will you be happy with me
I just have this tendency
to keep hurting the ones i love
I just have this urge
to hurt before I get hurt
I just have this little madness
to keep thinking that happiness is unattainable
I just have to tear a part of my heart
to send it to you
along with you
when you leave
if you leave
if you 
if

But you sit there like a mule
Mouth zipped up
Eyes stoic and cold
forehead creased up
waiting for me to calm down
why wait? just go
this has happened way too many times
i've snapped at you 
for so many times
that i've lost count
so why do you still insist on being here
so why do you insist we can work this out
so why do you insist that love's more than enough
so why do you insist you still love me
and love me more than ever
after all i've put you through
I don't think i'll ever be ready
I don't think I'll ever work up enough
courage, self-confidence, self esteem
to stand by you, 
to face you as an equal
to understand that I'm not a broken
a broken doll, a messed up freak
a fat mapped up creature
to ever realize that you probably just
love me as I am

So, could you leave before I hurt us more?

Sick

woke up sweating
wondering in the haze of sleep
did i turn the heater to the max
or was it summer already
tried moving
only to realize i've been trapped
in between your arms and legs
and the heat is radiating off you
you don't give out this much heat
not usually, 
definitely not while sleeping like a log
worriedly I brought my arms 
to your forehead
to confirm my suspicions true indeed
and you're feverish
prying myself away
(which was too much of an effort)
and still you lay deep in sleep
bringing up the pills and water
sitting by you
trying to wake you up
you moan, you struggle
you finally blink those beautiful eyes open
(but, really, they weren't that pretty when all swollen)
helping you up
wordlessly you swallowed the pills
and slid back into sleep
 

When you are hurt
you wanna hurt others back
you wanna inflict the same pain back on me
you wanna let them know how it feels to be hurt
but an eye for an eye
is no good, is a vicious cycle
going round and around the world
everyone wants a bit of revenge
or they say "let them have a taste of their own medicine"
and it goes on and on
no one's willing to stop
no one wants to forgive
no one wants to move on and forward
It's no fun hurting each another
In the end you are just hurting yourself
In the end you'll be the one who suffers
In the end you'll be at the losing end

Let go
Move on
Forgive the ones that hurt you
but I'd would not forget
because I'd want to avoid similar situations in the future
But I won't forget
because I am sure there something in this lesson for me to learn
And I will forgive
But I am not sure how to bring the relationship
back to normal, the usual
because most likely the trust is lost
because the hurt would have taught me a thing or two
because I will let go, and not hold anymore
to prevent myself from getting hurt
getting hurt (once again)

dancing

Come on baby
Let's dance
but you refuse
so i hit the floor myself

With the alcohol buzzing
I can't stop moving
I don't care for other
dancing in my little own world

but they never leave me in peace
always wanting to dance with me
always trying to get their lecherous hands on me
always spoiling my fun, disturbing my world

when i felt the next pair of hands
i turned around 
with my fist all ready
to deliver as mighty as a blow as I can

to almost punch the daylights out of you
thank goodness 
for your fast reflexes
or perhaps it was me who was too boozed up

you try to get me off the floor
but the night was still young
and the music's still good
and maybe you can dance with me

realizing it'll be futile
to persuade me off
you just slip your arm around my waist
lingering on the small of my back

i grinned, i giggled into your chest
baby, this not a romantic song
why are you trying to waltz me around
before i knew it, you were storming your way to the bar

kitchen

You did not realize my presence
Constantly humming to yourself
With earphones, you sway along with the music
in the kitchen, chopping "dinner"

I stand there and watch you
marveling at how at ease you are
admiring your view and kitchen skills
thinking how lucky I am

10 minutes, I'm still watching you
and you still haven't noticed me yet
seems like sad song you're listening to 
as your movements become slower, gentler

Smirking, I crept up to you
Knowing this would scare you off
Waiting for a reaction (out of the ordinary)
that will probably crack me up

True to my thoughts
You screamed, when I touched your hips
dropping the spatula onto the floor
thank God, it wasn't a knife or my favorite bowl

I doubled over in laughter
When you finally turned around
in fact, I was a heap on the floor
laughing too hard, till tears flowed out

As the good sport, you always are
straddling me (on the floor)
soon you were joining in the laughter
to only be interrupted by the lingering burning smell