Sick

woke up sweating
wondering in the haze of sleep
did i turn the heater to the max
or was it summer already
tried moving
only to realize i've been trapped
in between your arms and legs
and the heat is radiating off you
you don't give out this much heat
not usually, 
definitely not while sleeping like a log
worriedly I brought my arms 
to your forehead
to confirm my suspicions true indeed
and you're feverish
prying myself away
(which was too much of an effort)
and still you lay deep in sleep
bringing up the pills and water
sitting by you
trying to wake you up
you moan, you struggle
you finally blink those beautiful eyes open
(but, really, they weren't that pretty when all swollen)
helping you up
wordlessly you swallowed the pills
and slid back into sleep
 

When you are hurt
you wanna hurt others back
you wanna inflict the same pain back on me
you wanna let them know how it feels to be hurt
but an eye for an eye
is no good, is a vicious cycle
going round and around the world
everyone wants a bit of revenge
or they say "let them have a taste of their own medicine"
and it goes on and on
no one's willing to stop
no one wants to forgive
no one wants to move on and forward
It's no fun hurting each another
In the end you are just hurting yourself
In the end you'll be the one who suffers
In the end you'll be at the losing end

Let go
Move on
Forgive the ones that hurt you
but I'd would not forget
because I'd want to avoid similar situations in the future
But I won't forget
because I am sure there something in this lesson for me to learn
And I will forgive
But I am not sure how to bring the relationship
back to normal, the usual
because most likely the trust is lost
because the hurt would have taught me a thing or two
because I will let go, and not hold anymore
to prevent myself from getting hurt
getting hurt (once again)

dancing

Come on baby
Let's dance
but you refuse
so i hit the floor myself

With the alcohol buzzing
I can't stop moving
I don't care for other
dancing in my little own world

but they never leave me in peace
always wanting to dance with me
always trying to get their lecherous hands on me
always spoiling my fun, disturbing my world

when i felt the next pair of hands
i turned around 
with my fist all ready
to deliver as mighty as a blow as I can

to almost punch the daylights out of you
thank goodness 
for your fast reflexes
or perhaps it was me who was too boozed up

you try to get me off the floor
but the night was still young
and the music's still good
and maybe you can dance with me

realizing it'll be futile
to persuade me off
you just slip your arm around my waist
lingering on the small of my back

i grinned, i giggled into your chest
baby, this not a romantic song
why are you trying to waltz me around
before i knew it, you were storming your way to the bar

kitchen

You did not realize my presence
Constantly humming to yourself
With earphones, you sway along with the music
in the kitchen, chopping "dinner"

I stand there and watch you
marveling at how at ease you are
admiring your view and kitchen skills
thinking how lucky I am

10 minutes, I'm still watching you
and you still haven't noticed me yet
seems like sad song you're listening to 
as your movements become slower, gentler

Smirking, I crept up to you
Knowing this would scare you off
Waiting for a reaction (out of the ordinary)
that will probably crack me up

True to my thoughts
You screamed, when I touched your hips
dropping the spatula onto the floor
thank God, it wasn't a knife or my favorite bowl

I doubled over in laughter
When you finally turned around
in fact, I was a heap on the floor
laughing too hard, till tears flowed out

As the good sport, you always are
straddling me (on the floor)
soon you were joining in the laughter
to only be interrupted by the lingering burning smell
 

I am a puppet

once again I've been burnt
I spent tonight crying
because of words from a friend
as sharp as razor
shredding my heart into pieces
turning me even more insomniac
and i can't even defend myself
so, dear blog hear the words
I want to say, but cannot because it is a friend after all

Dear friend,
You know this problem started way back in August 2011.
It was meant to be a work of editing only, but it was that poorly written
I couldn't let it be, couldn't send it off as such
I did this with no intention of whatsoever, 
I didn't want a name
I didn't want fame
this because it wasn't my work
it wasn't my hard effort
but i changed everything
and i didn't even insert my name there
you should know better,
than accuse me of stealing your work

When my name appeared 
I didn't even realize it was first, until you mentioned to me
I didn't agree, and I was upset,
and I talked to you about this,
you should know, because we skyped

I fought, I went up and said
I'd rather not have my name at all
but you don't know, i got threatened
to be removed and you still won't be first
with someone else's name there for almost the nil work they did

Then came the whole fiasco with you wanting to be first
I had no objection, i would have relinquished the name in fact
because it is not my hardwork
and you should know what happened
it was (is still) in the emails splayed out for everyone to read
and did you forget, or were you just ignorant
to the fact that you decided to withdraw from it altogether
I still have the email as proof
if you would need a reminder of sort

it was a decision you made
I advised you against
but you said you'd rather let it all go
today, you are begrudging and accusing me for stealing your work

This was by far the hardest work I've ever done
It was kicked from one to another, then again to another
Then major revisions had to be done
which practically meant re-doing the whole bloody thing
from scratch, and I mean really from scratch
yes, it is your hardwork and effort
but it took me one and a half year to get it done
to be worthy, to be accepted
it took me a lot of effort too (by the way)
but it took even more from me
because it felt like a betrayal,
as your name was not there anymore
how many times i fretted over this issue
you will never know,
i only have god, mum and 2 other friends as witness
how much sleep, how much emotions
how I didn't know how to face you
yet i thought you would understand
as you were the one who relinquished your rights to this work
and i was a mere puppet in the games of the higher ranked people

but it hurts, to receive an email
with those kind of words
words that hurt me to the core
as if I haven't been felling guilty enough
as if I have intended all this from the very start
you say things too simply
quit and leave, you say
will you be feeding the people i have to fend?
many other options, you say?
why didn't you enlighten me earlier
when we talked about it?

I am hurt today..
really hurt..
You are my friend, but with this perhaps
we were not meant to be friends
I am sorry
I truly am
but I am also hurt, and I also have feelings
so, take my friend