Stupid petty tears

your fingers
they inch up slowly
they caress, lightly
and suddenly they grab
"what the hell"
that's my fat
your fingers' pinching
"oww oww oww"
you start laughing
your eyes crinkling
becoming tiny slits
and tears leak out
"Not funny"
"Hurts, damn it"
hurts more in there 
in between the lungs
your fingers
now on my face
poking the corner of my lips
trying to make me smile
twist and turn
trying desperately to move away
to stop these petty tears 
that are threatening to fall
you grab my ankles
pulling me back underneath you
your eyes suddenly all serious
as you whispered into my ears
"I love you, fat and all"

hate myself more than anything

I am a bad person, aren't I?

Hurting so many people in my short live

Thinking that I am always rights,

being obstinate, being stubborn,

being selfish, being irresponsible

I hate myself sometimes......

Too late...

After 7 months...

I am still reflecting

on whether I have made you proud

or did I make you happy

I've hurt you

I've shouted at you

I've showed my long face at you

I'm probably the one you didn't like the most

you did everything with your other daughters

but you couldn't be yourself when I'm around

you had to yourself, right?

you had to pretend, right?

In front of me, because you were afraid of me..

I made you afraid of me

You are father, yet you were the one afraid of me

you had to pretend, 

you had to be someone else with me

How much I must have hurt you

with my temper, with my words

with my inability, with everything that I've caused

I'm sorry, I am really sorry, very sorry..

Sorry that you had a daughter like me...

Sorry...

Letting you go

I held your hand
I brought you near
I tiptoed to reach you
I whispered in your ears

She held your arms
She tugged you close
She grabbed your collar
She planted her lips on yours

You smiled at me
You melted with her
You laughed at me
You embraced her

You desperately held on
You said it was all a mistake
I said damage is done
Please leave and never look back


I let you go
I don't want hold on anymore
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to hate anymore

Away from Home

Away from home
after a long time I'm away from home again
The first time I couldn't wait to go away from home
And now I don't feel like leaving home

How much years can change a person
How much time can change things
How much experience can teach us
How much I'll learn that there's no place like home

Albeit reluctant, I have no choice
I have to do this, for the betterment of myself
as well as my family and dependents
I have to be away from home

I can adapt, I will adapt
I will do well here
just as I did well the last time
I will do my best, and relax.